Happiness from Within

   Having been raised Catholic by parents who worked hard for every penny they earned, I was taught at an early age that money cannot buy happiness. as much as my parents and the church tried to reach me these value , I had to learn through my own experiences that happiness comes from within and cannot be measured by material possessions.

   As a child, I would sit in Church, trying to concentrate on the words of the priest, but my attention was soon diverted but the sparkle of the gold and diamonds worn by the Sunday churchgoers. As my eyes began to wander , I noticed men dressed in their tailored suits and monogrammed shirts , accompanied by women in their designer dresses with matching handbags and shoes.

   My family, don't he other hand , was the opposite of glamorous. Our hand-me-down clothes had been washed so many times that the colors had become dull and lifeless and the material frayed around the seams. Although our clothes revealed the money struggles if our large family, our faces were always washed , our hair neatly combed, and we each tossed our dollars in the basket even when there was a second collection .As my family piled into our green and white van after the service, I always fantasized about the glamorous lives led by those driving their brand new BMW's wishing I were more like them.

   I continued these fantasies when I was an adolescent attending Catholic school. Since it was a private school most of the children came from weathy families. As a result, I constantly felt inferior to the rest of my classmates. Although I could hidey lack if wealth at school by wearing g our mandated school uniforms, my poverty was barrassingly apparent on weekends when my classmates wore designer jeans, and I had no choice but to wear my own worn out ripped jeans.  Once ,because I cod not afford to buy a friend d a birthday gift,I gave her one of my own used CD's.When she opened the gift, her face twisted I to a strange looks as if she didn't know weather to say thank you or laugh. It was times like these , when the other kids laughed at me and talked behind my back, that convinced me that if I only had the new clothes, the nice house and other such materials possessions, then maybe I would have the chance to fit in. Then I would be happy.

   I began to believe so much in the material world that I started my first job when I was fourteen so that I could afford those" things " that were going to make me happy. Soon I was working two jobs in order to fulfill needs.I began to purchase the clothes , the jewelry and the perfume. Each purchase was a Sign of hope. Each time I thought,This is it,this is rlly gonna my me happy. Within  a few days,sometimes as little as a few hours , that feeling if emptiness came over me again. I would dream bigger and set my goals higher to purchase something even better. Every toime I thought it was gki g to be different,  but it never was.

   Unfortunately, it took many of these disapoining and painful experiences, not to mention the amount of money spent, for me to realize that what I admire in other people was not about their clothes, their hair styles or the car they drove. It was their self-confidence. I admire the way they carried themselves, their ability to take in new challenge and the way they looked people in the eye durning conversations instead if staring down at their toes as I often found  myself doing. I began to notice that it was the qualities that they prosessed j side themselves that I was lacking. I knew then that I would never be a complete person until I started to do some work on the inside.

   There was no lightning bolt or voice from God that brought me to this realization. I had to go all the down the wrong road In life to realize that I was headed in the wrong deriction. As a result, I now prosses those qualities that I had always admire in other people. Long gone are the days of remedying my problems with new clothes and makeup. I confess I still get caught up in the excitement of shopping sprees, but there is a differience today : I know each time I put on a new outfit and look in the mirror, the same person will be underneath it all. I now carry myself with an air of confidence, and I can look people in the eye, for I have no reason to look down.

Thanks for reading, This isn't the true story about my life at all but I still rlly like the lesson learned from it.