aidan is typing...

twelve

the other line is loud as i pick up the phone. music blares and people talk. i'd guess it's a club or a house party.

"hey, baby," aidan shouts, dragging the syllables out. he slurs his words, so he must be drunk or intoxicated to some degree. "wait... you're not my baby anymore..."

did i cause this? is he getting drunk because i broke up with him? or because i admitted i still love him? i never should have dated him in the first place. i must have messed his entire life up.

"do you want me to pick you up? you sound like you should go home." really, i am worried for him. he was never one to get drunk or party much, though his social media has been indicating otherwise recently.

"no! i'm having fun. don't kill my buzz, lils." he sounds like a whiny toddler not wanting to leave the park.

i shut my eyes, breathing deeply. this is all my fault. the least i can do is get him home so he can rest. "aidan, are you sure? you don't sound too good."

he doesn't say anything for a moment, leaving me to listen to the commotion in the background. "do you remember when we used to dance together," he asks after his pause.

"yeah." it hurts to think about when we were together. we made such good memories and i hate myself for throwing it all away just because i wasn't ready.

"i wanna dance with you again."

i wince at the melancholy of his tone. i caused that. he must despise me to an extreme for making him feel so horrible. i can only imagine how hurt he must have been when i said i wasn't ready for his commitment and love he was already giving me.

"i want to dance with you too."

"then come here. vanessa's house." he sounds desperate. i would know, it being the tone with which i convincd myself i don't want him back.

i bite my lip. i want to go and meet up with him, but that could end horribly. he's likely drunk and will be so much more sensitive to anything i say or do.

"lils... i miss you."

i end the call, whispering, "i'll see you tomorrow."

i don't think aidan nor i are quite ready to see each other yet, especially if he isn't completely sober. even meeting tomorrow might be a stretch, but we have to talk things out and see how we want to proceed.