Tear stained cheeks, flushed chest, bloodshot eyes, and messy hair. Sana was kneeled by her bed, hands shaking as she started at nothing. Her bottom lip was spilling red liquid, it's metallic taste failing to wake the girl from her thoughts.
Being in a relationship was always supposed to make you feel good, she was always been told that. Having someone to care about and cuddle into after a draining day in the outside, harmful world felt amazing.
"It feels nice to be loved." Sana always heard her friends say.
She believed it, especially when she met Nayeon. It was love at first sight, they both liked to believe. The first few months, the feeling of having someone by you was almost euphoric for both women.
Things moved pretty fast though.
"You don't need to know about my past," Nayeon scoffed, laying naked next to Sana and breathing heavily "I'm the type of person who lives in the moment. Memories don't matter to me."
Nayeon's opinion about life was not that clever, Sana often thought. Her 'no talking about the past' policy had led to them being complete strangers.
However, they felt they new each other well.
They moved in together quickly, Sana was falling hard for Nayeon who seemed to be getting distant. She always worked and Sana admired it. She wished she could be like her, hard working and accomplished.
But Sana wasn't, she hadn't even finished high school. Nayeon didn't know.
They didn't talk about the past.
The girl would barely come home at night after a while and Sana would always stay behind, waiting on the dining table with two plates set up. The bigger for Nayeon, the girl she loved so much.
Regardless, she wouldn't show up. Only at four in the morning, drunk and reeking of someone else's perfume.
Sana never asked, she ignored the faint stabs she felt inside her chest everytime Nayeon would lay next to her, mumbling a name of another woman. She savoured every moment she had with her, even if she knew Nayeon would be thinking of someone else.
They didn't talk about the past.
They didn't talk all.
Sana didn't know Nayeon and Nayeon didn't know Sana.
They were caught up in a relationship Sana wanted to make work, but Nayeon didn't.
It was okay, at least Nayeon was happy with other people.
"Do you wanna grab dinn--"
"Sorry, babe, I'm busy." Nayeon said, breathing heavily into the phone as the sound of soft moans reached Sana's ears.
She pretended to not know and held onto Nayeon the tightest everytime she got home, making the latter groan and push her away. Scolding her for being so clingy.
Sana was loosing Nayeon.
And then the fights started.
Verbal abuse at first that turned into physical after a few weeks.
And Sana was always in pain, but never asked Nayeon why she acted that way.
Because they didn't talk about the past,
And Sana loved her.
"At least she's happy when she hits me." she told her friends, that suddenly started to leave one by one.
They were afraid of her,
Nayeon.
And so was Sana, yet she loved her with all her heart. Even if she knew nothing about her.
It was like she wore a mask at all times. A mask that she only took off when away from Sana.
Sana didn't mind, but it hurt.
It hurt so much, it ate her from the inside out. It was sweet though painful.
Sana had enough.
Nayeon was out until late again, probably drinking until she forgot her own name. She didn't allow Sana to go out. Not that she had friends anymore.
Sana stood up, wiping her bleeding lip and walked to the kitchen.
Everything was set. She was preparing for this moment ever since Nayeon started beating her.
It took a while, but the gasoline was already poured around the house. Sana made sure she bought a lot of it, even if it was expensive.
She picked up the matches and looked at the box for a while. Sana picked out a single match and played around with it for a little.
Her phone rang.
It was Nayeon.
Sana picked up the phone and smiled when her lover's voice sounded. She went on to say something about how much she loved Sana.
Nayeon was drunk.
And the only thing Sana knew about Nayeon was to never trust her when drunk.
"When I get really drunk, I say a lot of shit I don't mean," she spoke, slurping on the noodles Sana made "I do it mainly for the other people's sake. I want to seem kind."
Sana laughed at the way Nayeon slurred on her words, imagining her flushed cheeks, soft lips as she closed her eyes.
Sana loved Nayeon and Nayeon didn't love Sana.
"Can you call me back later? I'm busy." Sana had to stop Nayeon from talking and ended the call.
All the small stabs she felt everytime Nayeon would sleep with others had created a permanent wound on Sana's heart.
There was no cure for it.
So Sana lit the match and looked at her arms and legs, admiring the bruises Nayeon had made on her.
She always liked to believe they were bruised of love,
But deep down she knew they were of hatred.
Sana would give everything to Nayeon and Nayeon wouldn't. Not even the true aspects of her personality;
The alcoholic one.
The cheating one.
The abusive one.
Sana would have forgiven her if Nayeon ever told her.
But they didn't talk about the past.
And Sana had to find out with the hard way.
Sana dropped the match to the ground, watching the kitchen catch on fire.
She stood there with a big smile on her face.
Nayeon could never love her.
And so she let the flames engulf her scarred body, burn her into ashes.
Just like Nayeon's love did to her.
And when Nayeon got home and found everything destroyed, she fell on her knees and shook Sana's distorted body. She seemed to still be smiling, burns all over her face and limbs.
"Why did you do this?" Nayeon asked and cried, banging her hands on the girl's burnt chest and breaking the weak bones.
Sana laughed as she watched over Nayeon from the sky.
"We never talk about the past."
-kimwig
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CALL ME BACK | SANAYEON
Fanfiction"Can you call me back later? I'm busy." They thought their relationship was healthy, that all the fights and ignorance was what every couple these days was going trough. They thought not knowing each other's true colours was fine, as long as they we...
