If We Never Met!

If We Never Met! (The 14th Birthday)

"Hold up! Melanie please, just wait up why do you keep on pushing me away?" Lucas exclaimed. 

"You wont understand! No one does, just leave me alone would you? You don't love me, i can't be in any relationship! Why can't you get it!" Melanie shouted. 

Lucas sat down again at the cafe's table 

"I am here to listen to anything that you have to say, i am here to understand anything, Melanie please" Lucas said in a calm voice. 

"Fine! I hope you're happy" Melanie said. Lucas gave a grin. 

Melanie: "I finished studying the chapters that were assigned to me on the schedule and went up the stairs to ask my sister if she remembers anything at all, probably trying to hint about something.

 I knocked on the door and directly heard her saying "Melanie I can't right now, I'm busy". I turned my back and went to the landline trying to call my mom again perhaps she might pick up. It rang over and over but she did not answer, I figured she's busy after all. I closed the phone and sat next to it, hoping with all my heart that someone would call, literally anyone. Unfortunately I sat for a whole hour but no one called.

I felt tears as they made their way through my eyes. I shook them off as I shook my head, telling myself they did not forget. I was trying to convince myself that none of my parents and four siblings forgot my 14th birthday, but too bad they actually did. On my 14th birthday I realized that I was the only one there for myself, but at the same time realizing that I don't need anyone in this world except myself.

 My sister and I were living in Texas alone while my parents were in Michigan starting a new business and arranging the right place to settle in. One of my sisters lived outside of America , while my other two brothers were already living in Michigan. That year was my first year at high school as a freshman, as i had final exams and yes, unfortunately I am one of the people that have their birthday with exams. So stress was everything that was going around in my life at that time. As soon as I realized it was 6pm and no one called and wished me a happy birthday, not even my sister that was living in the same house as I was. Speaking of my sister at that time she was also planning for her engagement so she was also busy with her fiance and everything else.

I felt the tears again and this time I couldn't stop them, I cried until I ran out of breath. I cried till my eyes went sore, I cried until I felt numb. I cried until I ran out of tears. I could feel their burning sensation upon my cheeks, I was rubbing my eyes distributing the tears upon my whole face. I held my head between my two hands and squeezed as hard as I can, with all the voices saying: "they don't care about you, everyone is too busy they can't even notice you. Who are you anyways? You think you matter? It will never change, they will always forget you. You're just a burden and they have no time for you. You are just pathetic. Why are you surprised anyway? Besides you are a very easy person to be forgot about".

I hated myself whenever I cried because I used to ,and I still, believe that crying is for the weak. I rushed to the toilet and washed my face since I had the mentality of "if you cry, then you're weak". I washed my face and let the cold water heal my heated cheeks as well as my burning heart, I let it run down my neck and into my flaming heart. I know a birthday is not as much important for me now, but at that time, for a thirteen year old it was important. As I also had official exams and was already stressed, I was also obese and that was another problem by itself, not to mention diabetes type "B".

 As I dried my face with the soft towel and stepped out of the toilet I went straight to my room and started writing and drawing, those were my two ways for escaping at that time. I sat on the floor with some papers and pens in front of me, I remember I started writing everything I was feeling, the loneliness, sorrow, and complexity started building inside of me. I tried drawing but all I ended up with are scribble lines, and some sickening sketches and tears all over them. I was crying to the point I could barely see the paper, from between the dim light caught between my upper and lower lash lines. As I close and open my eyes tears roll down from the corners making their way to my wet cheeks to finally fall on the sketch. I tried swallowing the tears, I tried to keep them in. The more I kept the tears in the more they chocked me.