IMAGINES | KPOP

𝙟𝙪𝙣𝙢𝙮𝙚𝙤𝙣 : 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙡𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙢𝙥𝙩

⚠️ WARNING ⚠️
this imagine contains suicidal thoughts, angst and drug use. DO NOT READ IF YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT.

junmyeon 준면 (suho 수호)
failed attempt

falling apart.

people will never know how it feels like, they won't ever understand it, unless they've been through it themselves.

your dark thoughts were eating you alive. as if they possessed you. at the end, you couldn't push them away anymore. they were part of you.

"you're not good enough."
"you're ugly."
"you're not worth it. you never were."
"you should die, so everyone would be happy."

it was as if there were monsters all over you head. and you couldn't take it anymore.

your relatives have been busy lately, and you didn't want to bother them. "your existence is bothering enough, do not add in. do you want them to hate you ? because they will." you thought.

so you never told anyone about how you were feeling. it wasn't like could describe it anyway.

it was as if you suddenly came to the realization that the world was cruel. that people were horrible. you woke up from the dream you thought you lived in, as everything turned into a painful nightmare.

everything happened all at once, it was too much to bear.

at first, your parents divorced after being married for 24 years, so you had to take care of your younger brother while your parents were arguing about every single item in the house.

then, your aunt passed away. you aunt was the person that played the biggest role in your life, she was the one to comfort you whenever something was wrong and she'd always make you smile anyhow. she was the one that acted like your mother when your own was supposedly too busy.

you started to lose weight. you'd barely eat. "I don't feel like it." you'd say. you also spent sleepless nights. staying in the bed like that, alone with your darkest thoughts.

also being an university student didn't help either, you had a lot of work to do, so you had to stay home, never having the time to hang out with your friends. gladly it was your last year, but it also meant that you had exams coming up. the fear of failure growing more and more inside of you.

and in addition to that, as you just agreed to be junmyeon's wife, there were a lot more hateful comments and people threatening you. you loved him more than anything, in fact, he was the only thing keeping you alive at the moment.

but he was busy lately. he'd barely answer your calls and texts, he'd come home very tired from all the work he had to do. you knew it was just work. you knew he'd never cheat on you. but the bad thoughts were still there.

"why is he with me ? why does he want to marry me ? do I look pitiful ? is that why ? he deserves better. someone prettier, someone smarter, someone who's worth it." you thought.

so one day, as he came back home, you decided to talk to him.

he joined you on the couch, leaving a peck on your lips before laying on your lap.

"hey.. how was work ?" you asked, softly stroking his hair.

"really tiring. but I'm trying to keep going because in three days, I'll have two weeks off."

your eyes lit up. "that's awesome ! we could organize our wedding ! oh, and how about going on a few dates ? It's been a long time, hm ?"

"yeah.. no, I don't feel like it. I'd prefer to rest the whole time. or maybe hang out with the boys."