As early as 10 years, I already had thoughts of hanging myself - to die. I always have felt that people around me will be happier if I am no longer around.
Being an only girl in the family, I was always alone. My brothers were always in a tag team against me. My mother? She never defended me, I always felt that she loved them more and that I was regarded the least.
I grew up without having anyone on my side. I never had anyone standing up by side when I was a child. If someone would ask me how my childhood was, I would just tell them that my childhood was boring and it did not have anything worth sharing - it was all about feeling rejected, unimportant and unloved.
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ELEMENTARY DAYS
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I am trying to think of anything during this period that made me really happy, but I really can't think of any.
Aside from being the ugly girl that was being bullied on a daily basis, there isn't really beautiful about my life.
I was called "Tiya Pusit" and "Tsunami". Those words still create nightmares in my waking mind. I know and I am well aware of that I am ugly, but why do you have to make me feel so bad about myself? Why do you have to make me wish I look like the pretty girls in the magazines? Why can't you just not accept me and get rid of your derogatory judgment?
I know that I will never be beautiful in your eyes but at least make me feel like I am a human who needs to be respected too.
It's hard when you're the ugly one. People will just stomp on you as if you are a disposal cup that needs to be crushed.
