SNEEZE!

chapter 4: lost

Namjoon P.O.V

I can't believe this luck. I actually get the motivation to go up and talk to Seokjin and my damn allergies had to act up. Again, if I had thought all of it through, I would have realized that I will never be enough for him. He's too beautiful for someone like me, someone who looks like a frog.

At that moment when I wanted to ask him to the coffee shop, but of course, I sneezed on him like the disgusting creature I am.

My mind hurt from all the words running through my mind, and I couldn't think straight.

Writing is my outlet.

The familiar woodenly earth aroma drifted into my nose. I turned my head in the direction of the scent to see the coffee store, Starbucks.

I ran through the door, all the workers glancing up with friendly smiles. I was a frequent customer and I hung around here a lot because... Well I don't exactly like to go home. The coffee shop is more peaceful and welcoming.

Making my way to my usual table, I flung my school bag on the top and plopped down in a seat. I unzipped my black backpack and rummaged around my possessions. Nothing in there was really that important, except for my notebook. I felt like writing something about Jin and being rejected; it helps me heal the hole slowly forming in my chest.

My notebook is like my mind on paper. Every drop of the ink on the pages is what goes through the messy maze of my mind, more or less organized. I guess you could say that the notebook is my literal mind, in the form of a book.

Reaching my fingers to my bag, I feel the dark depths of my book bag for my black notebook.

My hands only felt the hard edges of thick textbooks instead of the weathered cover of a notebook.

My short breaths became suffocating, my heartbeat's pace rushing and pulsing in my head and ringing in my ear. I had thrown everything in my bag on the round, coffee table, and turned my bag upside down thrice.

A sob choked through my throat, all of my pent-up stress and anxiety spilling out at once through the form of tears.

My notebook was gone.

So I lost my mind.

The fact that it could be sitting in the wrinkled hands of a stranger made my stomach twist. All of my raw feelings and secrets would be exposed by the mere act of scanning one's eyes across the paper. How broken he was, how much he hated himself, how much he wanted Jin - all of it just out to the open.

I banged my head on the table, hard. I didn't care about the disgusted and questioning looks I was getting. There was no concern in any of their gazes, their minds just being curious and judging. If they only knew that no one had the same, easy life. Everyone hurts, but there was no reason to judge me because I hurt a little more. I was just careless about my feelings sometimes, like now.

And of course, I was careless enough to lose my notebook.

Damn, I need it so much, because I might break my skull from banging my head on my table this much.

And I know for a fact that later on tonight, a lot more is going to be hurting than just my head.