hide your fires | ✓

ii. sleepovers in my bed

sleeping here right next to me
but will you ever mess with me?
– hayley kiyoko, sleepover

• •

there were no scars that were etched onto her skin, albeit there were freckles splattered around, it only made her even more endearing than she usually was. so, no one could really blame lisa for not being able to rip her adoring eyes from the beauty in front of her.

it wasn't long until chae was covered once again, to lisa's dismay. she reached out for chae, grabbed her to join her in the bed.

"you should really stop getting girls mad, lisa." chae sounded quite stern, she straddled lisa's lap and she ran her fingertips along the bruise lisa's got. she softly leaned down and kissed it repeatedly, "there, so it'll get better soon."

lisa's breath hitched, of course. park chaeyoung unknowingly did things to her and she really had no idea how to be able to survive the rest of her life if she could not do anything about the desires she had for the blonde. she had always swallowed them down inside, hindered them from spilling or else chae would find out. she knew that once it—her love for chaeyoung—was out there, then it was going to be over, it was going to be the driving force which would end her friendship with her.

it scared lisa a lot.

all she could do then was smile up at chae, "thanks," she sighed and tapped her own lips, "though i feel like i'd be better in an instant if you'd kiss me here." she always loved to joke about that, since she couldn't have it in reality.

to her surprise though, chae tilted her head to the side and leaned down, lisa stopped breathing, then she was pushed against the bed and giggles filled the room. disappointment washed over lisa, and she pressed her lips together.

"tease."

chae was still giggling, but in between her giggles she managed to say: "only for you, my lisa."

"you should be happy i am too tired to be mad at you right now." lisa pulled her down, they got into comfortable positions, in which lisa's back was pressed against chae's torso, and their hands holding each other. lisa looked over her and kissed her forehead, "night, baby."

"hmm, night."

and chae's breathing lulled lisa to sleep.

five a.m.

it was still dark outside, the only source of light are from the stars and street lamps. there chae was with a beautifully unkempt being peaceful in deep slumber in her arms, chae's thoughts whirred along with lisa's breath, she felt rather calm, nevertheless she didn't seem to be pulled in the same solace lisa was in.

that was fine since she was still in solace, it may be different, the realm of consciousness she was in; while her bruised warrior was in the opposite realm; yet they breathed the same, in sync, the fall and the rise of their chest was like a low hum of a hymn no one speak of.

chae pressed her face against the back of lisa's neck, she took in her scent, and she felt intoxicated by mint and bad intentions (lisa's primary scents). soon enough, she found her lips against lisa's neck, having to remind herself of what it felt like.

this kind of moment always made chae seem like a thief, stealing the object of her desires that weren't rightfully hers. well, park chaeyoung was in fact a bloody thief, but at least she was a goddamn good one.

no one knew about the things she's taken; the touches, the kisses, the looks—only her, and maybe the angels who were assigned to her.

she did not feel apologetic, what she felt was pity.

this was all she got, this was all she was left to do.

she did not have the luxury nor the privilege to be loved and loved by lalisa pranpriya manoban.

so she did the only thing she can do when no one was watching and lisa was unaware, she kissed lisa's shoulder, slipped her hand under lisa's shirt and whispered:

"i love you, lisa."

she closed her eyes, prayed for forgiveness from any kind of higher being up above, forgive her sins which she couldn't ever swallow.

it was harder to breathe now, tears cascaded down her cheeks and she pressed herself even closer to lisa, afraid that when she'd wake up, she would feel empty and alone.