Desperation

Chapter 1

    Its dark..very dark. All you can hear is the screaming and crying of the 30 year old women in the next room over. All I can make out was his figure. The figure of the only person I could trust at that very moment. Tears streaming down my face. Trying to stay quite so he doesn't get angry at me.

Silence

   Its too quite. I know better than to think that's the end. Then the door handle is being turned. Hiding from the man no one could trust. The man who was supposed to protect us. He grabs my brother and throws him out the room. Age six and this is the end. He shuts the door and advances towards me. Six and the man I call my step-dad  is gonna hurt me. The man I grew up with.

    Then he snatches me and starts the pain that's engraved in my mind. The torture that no one knows. Cant tell anyone to keep them happy.

  Waking up sweating is the worst feeling. Trying to wrap your head around what just happened. Looking at the clock its only 2 a.m. Breath I tell myself. I try not to think too much about the dream. It was just a dream from 10 years ago. Getting up to get a book to read so I don't have an anxiety attack will be the best thing for me right now. I grab the book "Silence" and start rereading it. Its a Saturday and I should be sleeping in but instead I'm reading the same book for the hundredth time. I see the light to the bathroom turn on and realize my dad is also awake. Its now 3 but that doesn't explain why he's awake. I hear the water turn on and realize he is going into work to cover someone's shift.

   Sighing I put the book down and get some water. Trying to think about the book so I don't get flashbacks about the dream. I'm supposed to be fixed. That's what I tell the doctors. That's what I tell my dad. Looking down I realize my dog has followed me in the kitchen to make sure I am okay. He is worried for me and he shouldn't be. He is off duty but still on high alert. I hear the shower turn off so I rush back to my room before my dad sees me. I don't want him to think I cant sleep. Laying back down in bed I close my eyes and wait to hear the front door lock.

Home..Alone..With my thoughts.

  Heading into the living room I turn on the TV and start flipping through random channels. Settling on some show about dogs. Looking through my phone I decide to call someone dear to me. Even though its still really early I know she will respond once she hears my  ringtone. Seconds later I hear her soft voice. "Ill be over in 5" and she hangs up. Don't even have to say anything and she knows me so well. Minutes later she is climbing through my window. She lays next to me on the couch not saying anything. "I had the dream again" I confess. She is the only one that knows the whole story. She doesn't say anything for a minute so I had thought she fell asleep. "I know." Is all she ends up telling me. I nod and stare at the ceiling. Seconds later she's snoring. Smiling I put Blazes vest on and put some shoes on.

   3 years and he is still the one I trust with my life. Unlocking the door and walking outside I start walking around the block. Birds chirping, wind blowing, guys laughing. Realizing there are 3 guys advancing towards us I cross the street to not have to make contact with them. Slowing down I try and calm my breathing. The laughing gets louder then the worse thing that my mind thinks could have happened. They acknowledge my presences. "Nice dog" is what I process. Walking faster again I try and ignore them. "Maybe she's deaf" I hear one of the guys say. "Or a stuck up bitch." Annoyed and anxious I just keep walking thinking they have left.

   Turning the corner I start the walk back home. I have a bad feeling someone is following me so I walk even faster. Blaze can feel my anxiety so he tries to tell me to calm down. I cant, I have to get away. Blaze starts blocking me so I will sit down but I tell him to get back in order.

   I feel a tap on my shoulder and I freeze. I breath in and turn around. Its one of the guys from the group. He's probably 6'0, kinda built but on the skinny side, blue eyes with dirty blonde  hair. He starts signing

 "I am Elijah with an E." I look at him dumbfounded.

He starts signing some more. "What is your name?"

I again just stare at him trying to process why he is coming up to a stranger for no reason. Then he realizes I'm not deaf.

 "Can you hear me?" I nod slowly.

 Blaze starts blocking me again and nudging my hand telling me to calm down. I start counting things I can see, smell, and hear.

 "So you're just a rude bitch." I huff and glare at him. Anxiety long gone.

"I understood. I'm Oaklie with an IE not a Y. Just because I don't want to talk to random, obnoxious boys does not make me a bitch." I end up explaining. I turn around and start the walk home again. Jadyn might have woken up and is going through the fridge. Going down the street I realize our house is smaller than the others but has a home feeling to it. Then also realizing that guy could be following me still I turn into the alley and take the back way to the house.

  Unlocking the backdoor I let blaze in first and walk in to see her still passed out. Thinking she maybe didn't sleep well with her parents in the house I leave her be and go take a shower. Breathing I try not to think about the dream again. I try not to think much. I don't look at my body let alone my arms. I get in and just think about the water. Its wet, warm, loud. It rolls down my body slowly. Getting out quickly I throw my hair in a bun and get dressed in my sweats and hoodie.

   Looking down at Blaze I wonder if he knows what I'm thinking. What kind of human would he be? Sitting on the ground with my book and Blaze doing pressure therapy for me I start reading. The words on the page dance around in my mind. Taking in every word carefully. Scared to miss a single thing. Something new every time I read the book. More feelings than the last time.

Then my mind goes elsewhere. It goes to the places I try and avoid.

Vision blurred, nothing to see.

Labored breathing, not enough oxygen.

Screams and cries for help, all I can hear.