A colorful mind

Night - Ice cream talk

I have walked now for hours inside my thoughts, where is the end of this endless thinking. I want to sleep, now, please let me sleep, just for some hours. Every night it is the same. The mindspiders come and lock me up inside my mind. At night my mind runs crazy, overthink everything I have done the last time. It thinks about what I could have done else.
My thoughts running rounds away from them self. I'm running away of my past and run at the same time into it. I don't know how to change it, I just want to let it stop. Will there please be somebody who might help? I need your help! Where ever you are.
After crying me into the sleep my dreams come alive. The good as same as the bad. I cannot see if they are reality or just a dream. It's like I can feel everything like in reallife.

We are laughing, we as we were. My old friend Clara. We were really good friends. Making jokes, laughing, eating ice cream, go swimming in summer, talking about our latest crush, watching movies, talking about philosophy questions and love each other as a good friend.
We are walking with holding the little finger of the other with the little finger. Ice cream in the front of my head. My eyes are growing bigger.
"You bought ice cream?!", I say.
"Yes I did.", she says and smile from the one ear to the other. "You know how you can get me, don't you?", I say and laugh smiling. "Of course I do, well I'm your friend, am I not?", she says. "Yeah, you really are a friend Clary.", I say with smiling inside my whole body. "Why don't we go to the lake and listen to some music?", she asks. The lake is one of our favorites, was one of our favorites. It is in the middle of the town, surrounded by buildings. A little space to let the mind fly away. "Sure.", I say.
We are watching the duck's on the sea. Watching the lake. Watching the people who walked by. Listen to music and eat our ice cream before I melts. "Did you know that in Australia are ducks who are poisonous?", I say.
Her eyes grow bigger after she heard what I said and says: "What, why that? They are after all ducks, aren't they? Why should they be poisonous?". "Well I don't know.", and we are laughing both. "There are many crazy animals on this world....", she says. "Talking about animals.", she started to say. "What do you think about our new mates?", she says and close her mouth with a little something in her lips. Oh yes, that's Clara. Always after some stories, especially love stories. "I think they are interesting. I mean, a religious girl, a gothic girl, a shy guy, a musical guy, a psycho girl, a sport guy and us? That's an interesting combination, isn't it?", I say. I know that she don't mean the group as a group. She just want to know in which guy I could be interested."Come on, you bitch, speeek up", she says. Well I don't have really thought about them. The shy guy could be nice to talk to if he comes out of his shell. Music is my live but doesn't have to be my love. Sport isn't the stuff I really like.
After overthinking I say: "They could be interesting but, I'm not searching for any one. If the one run over me I'll know". She pouts. "The shy guy and the musician could be interesting.", I say after she pouted for a time. Suddenly her face is glimming. That was the answer she wants to her.
My ice cream started to melt. Ice cream tears drops down.

My face is over and over with tears. It seems as I have cried the whole dream."Clara", I whisper and dive into deeper and deeper crying. My body shakes. My mind is closed. I'm again, allone. After a long time I fall asleep into a black nothingness sleep.