The one I dont want to be

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We will try to update at least once a week.... Not now in the beginning, when no one reads our story, because it feels a little pointless.

But when there are people who reads our story, we will try to update as much as we can (:

  

Part 1

It's hard not knowing who I am. I am never me. Life does'nt want to walk the same way as I want to. Life walks in an other direction. It's like I don't have own wills or thoughts. Like I am two. Sometimes I get scared of myself. In those moments I hide from the world. From all of my problems. Sometimes i see things. Sometimes I don't remember what I've done through the day. Often, I just want to get away. Disappear. Like my mum did. No one has seen her since I was eight. Right now I'm sixteen. Not sure who I want to be. I have tried to control it. Control the headache and the pain. It's the headache that makes me forget. 

"Keeley!" My brother Wills voice ran trough the black and white walls in my room. 

"Yeah?!" I said. He disturbed my thoughts. 

"Why is it a  whole in my door?!" 

"I got a panic attack, okay?" the headache came close.

"What is wrong with you? Why did you have to destroy my door?" Wills voice came closer.

"I don't know. I didn't know what I was doing, let it go!" My sight started to fade a bit. I... changed. I felt how I fell to the ground. The shadows came. Everything became wrong again. And then, I saw Will at the door, and everything was good again. The headache was gone. I was me again. Or was I?

"What the hell is going on? Do you have that headache again?" Will sounded pained.

"No, I'm fine. Why are you yelling?" I wondered why he was standing at my door. 

"You've made a whole in my door. Again. It's the third time, this month!"

"I havn't made a whole in your door? Not in antibody's door. Why do you always thinks it's my fault? Stop accusing me!" I looked down at the table beside my bed. I checked the clock. 

"I've got to go. I need to be in school, and I don't want to be late because of you."

I to our apartment door, in the city that could be nameless, when there were no one saying the name. Me and my brother used to call it "Junkhole" because we thought it fitted perfectly. I ran down the stairs to the big front door. I locked, and went to get my bike. It was humid from the nights rain. 

I quickly went through the gates to Wilson High, the dilapidated old building, and even though I wanted to be there on time, I was a half-hour late. The heavy tree door felt twice as heavy this cold morning. I was greeted by a empty hallway, and ran fast to my classroom. They had already started with math, but a usual Mr Green was half asleep at his desk, and didn't move a bit when I stumbled in. Like every other day, my class was loud but i just walked to the place beside my best friend Abbey. Abbey was a half blond, short, smart and energetic girl, with the roundest eyes I've ever seen. She had a pet wolf, named Grey, and I don't really know why.

"Hello, Miss Keeley Villay, you are a half-hour late. Did something happen on the road?" She had a big grin on her face, before she burst into a loud laugh. 

"No, I was just stuck in thoughts." I answered with a similar smile.

"Ah, okay.." Her eyes stucked on something behind me. She blushed a bit and waved. I glanced behind me, and saw Lias, Abbeys boyfriend since a year back. 

"Hey Ab" He said with a loving smile. "And hey Kee" 

"Hey cutie" Abbey answered.

"Retarded monkey" I said and started to laugh. Abbey gave me a friendly punch on my shoulder. 

"Sorry, but the truth hurts" I said after looking at her face. I started to laugh again.

The bell rang, and my first lesson of the day was over. Mr Green still didn't move, just said bye, and went back to his sleep mode.

We went to our lockers, when the headache slowly came back.

"Guys, go ahead. I'll be right there in a few seconds, forgot to ask Green some stuff" I said, trying to hide the panic in my voice. 

"Okay, are you sure?" Abbey asked

"One hundred percent" I said with a fake smile.

"Okay, see you at lunch?" She asked with a silent smile.

I nodded and turned around. The hallway was now empty, when the second lesson just started. I couldn't hear Abbey and Lias anymore, and was all alone. The shadows started to come out from every corner. This couldn't happen in school.

I couldn't change here. I saw something moving at my left side, but there were no one. I knew it was her. Me. The other side of me. But i couldn't be her right now. Not now. Not here.

"Leave me alone" I said. Panic all over me. "Please just go. Let me be." Everything started to blur. This was not suppose to happen. I bit my hand, just trying not to scream. But it didn't help. I had to kick something. Do something. The lockers. 

I kicked the hardest i could at the closest locker. 

"Eh, excuse me? What the hell are you doing with my locker?" A deep voice said.

I slowly turned around, afraid of who it was. 

It was Zeek. He was in some of my classes, but I usually didn't speak to him. He is so kind and caring against the people who deserved it. He was quite popular, and had a lot of friends. 

As the stupid girl I was, I tried to make him go away.

"It's good for your body. You know, strong legs." My head was burning and my sight was really bad. I was about to lose it. And I didn't know what was going to happen to Zeek.

Just as He was going to respond to my stupid line, I lost it.