4 am phone calls [e.d]

chapter siete

song- needs ~verzache
[july 26th, 2016]

i realized.

i realized that it started to add up, his actions.

why he was so distant.

why he flirted and then walked away.

why he couldn't commit to taylor but cared so much.

why he wouldn't love until he woke the fuck up.

i realized it's because he's so scared of being anything but the best, he goes out of his way to mess it all up before anyone can expect anything from him out of fear. and he walks on eggshells constantly because of messing up and making his mom walk out.

he was scared to put it simply.

he refused to be anything less than the best to his parents and the worst to anyone else. he was a people pleaser to his parents, and to everyone else. he was the leader. he craved the control and power so much he needed to quickest way to get it.

he craved the power so bad out of insecurity, he fought to be secure in something. anything. even if it hurt people.

he couldn't commit because he was so scared to get walked out on, just like his mom had. but he thought, if he was the one walking out, he wouldn't hurt.

he was distant, to make you miss him more. make you miss him so much and give him the power of someone else wanting him.

he wouldn't be able to love until he woke up because, he never told me these were his issues. you can see them right on his arms, but it seems he thinks he's wearing long sleeves.

ethan, i pray you find your peace. i hope nothing but the best for you.

-
bree & ethan continued the never ending pattern of flirting and fighting until october of 2016. after that he found a girlfriend and she fell in love with a boy from out of town who would end up leaving her for a younger girl. ethan continued his patterns of distantness and coldness towards relationships but he has been working hard to get better. he became a star athlete and so did she, they continued their lives at different schools and still occasionally talk and wish each other well out of love in their hearts. in another world, they were perfect for each other.

-xoxo b

this story is loosely based on a boy i'll always have a place for in my heart.

to my "ethan" i love you, i'm thankful for what you taught me.

a 2020 update, i still love my "ethan" i still have the feelings i did 3.5 years ago. <3  always remember, feelings that come back are ones that never left. i miss you & you being "all over" me. all my love