I miss My old school

Middle of the school year

February-March

SO this is where I started skipping classes I would Always sleep in class and listen to some of the Neighborhood And Lil peep In my class everyone knew I would always be sleepy so I would always sleep in class but there was one thing No one knew maybe alittle of people know But I was just sad  just got out a relationship(you can think I'm weak I would agree)I would just feel sad With things in my head like the smallest things Not have a father around ,Having anxiety about me failing the class,Thinking No one cares for me And being insecure just the normal stuff ......February 13th comes around..,.i come from school to hear the news.....my uncle just died......I hear my grandma talking to my other grandma on the line(My uncle on my dads side of the famiy)and I was shocked I didn't know how to feel at first but got abit sad of course my mother comes home and We go to my other grandmas house ....I walk through that Door and I just feel that dark sad energy Almsot everyone crying ....I'm just there leaning on the wall Not knowing how to feel I want to cry...I want to smile...my emotions are having a war I guess this is what happened.So my uncles wife and him got in a fight the day before ..so I guess at 6am before she leaves she says drop off their daughter and he nods his head...She comes home around 2-3 and the daughter is in the living room and the mom ask why aren't you at school and she said because Papa is asleep then she goes to the other .....he's on the floor .... (I don't wanna say anymore he just died from a heart attack ) . And that's what happened after an hour of being in that heavy room me my grandma and my mom leave and I'm just trying to hold back my tears abit Just sad abit Realizing My Cousin doesn't have a dAd...and that makes me feel bad ...Next day rolls around it's Valentine's Day aNd I decide Not to go and after that day I go . Afew weeks pass my doing the same shit and just even more sad And I have been told some stuff that is hard for me not to telling me wishing I could just scream it out loud But..,I can't and then I have to talk to my teachers since my grades are failing and Surprisingly my teachers said I shOw the respect and I was kinda happy about that  kinda started to try more in class but I wouldn't sleep as much

I just wanna take this space right here so I can say Something about my uncle He was the nicest guy on my dads side of the family whenever I would attempt to call my dad he would always ask how I am and he would sometimes buy me things Haha I still remember him when he had his dog  ...Juan I wish you were here to read this Just know I love you man and I hope your in a better place 😔✌🏻