My earliest memory is my parents getting divorced when I was three. I lived with my mom but had to see my dad still. I was a mommas baby so shared custody sucked for me. Growing up I went to church all the time. My mom is a Christian. I never really understood the word of God tho. Church was more just fun and games for me. In fourth grade I moved four hours away from my family and friends. My new school didn't treat me well I go bullied on a daily. The only good thing was I met my BSF. Anyways in the middle of 7th grade we moved back to my hometown bc my little sister who was in kinder was getting bullied. This is where the misery began for me. I reunited with some of my friends. Or who I thought were my friends. They betrayed me so much. The group of girls I hung out with in 7-8 grade was bad. They always had drama and caused me to fall into drop depression. It started out not as bad but it got worse. Eventually I started cutting to take the pain away. In 8th grade I started hating my body and started eating less and less. Even went two full days one time without eating. I was slowly getting worse and worse. I became suicidal before the summer even came. I had to wear long sleeves and long shorts all the time. The summer was normal. Then ninth grade came. I was still severely depressed. And to make things even worse I lost my older sister on Sep 18, 2018. It killed me inside. I didn't want to believe it. I blamed God for it. I hated him for taking her away. She was a BIG part of who I was. Even helped raise me. Then I became really really suicidal. That on Oct 27,2018 I attempted suicide. I was so done with life. Luckily I survived and just went to a metal hospital for a week. They changed my meds to lexapro. I was truly diagnosed with depression and anxiety now. After getting out of the hospital o was good for awhile until things fell through again. People at school found out about my suicide attempt and they talked. I then found out church camp was this summer and started trying to stop cutting. It didn't work tho. I never made it past two months. Then summer came. I went to church camp and had an amazing encounter wkth the Lord Almighty. In worship I felt the pressure of God on my heart. I didn't know what it was until I realized this is God calling me. I walked to the pastor with a few others who were also accepting Him. We were all crying and I couldn't stop. Two of my sponsors said the prayer of salvation with me. So as of June 28,2019 I'm a child of God. I suddenly felt free after praying. I knew this was the beginning of a new chapter of my life. I still haven't cut since June 26, right before camp and I'm gonna try and try to focus on the Lord, my Savior to help me. My goal is to finally make it to two months with no cutting.
Anyways hope y'all enjoyed my story. God bless you all. And if ANYONE needs someone to talk to I will be here no matter what.
