She was in shock. She read it again. Suddenly a wave of panic washed over her, she couldn't believe what she was seeing.
She had a funny feeling but she did not expect this.
Ariel got ready for the party, she didn't even want to go but she had to. She couldn't let him go on his own. Whose party was it again? Someone that he worked with... Their birthday?
"We won't be home too late will we?" She said to Nath.
"You don't have to go, you know?" he replied.
Ariel sighed, she didn't want to go, she knew she didn't have to go but something compelled her. She had so much anxiety right now, she felt so ugly and unfashionable. But she did it, she got dressed up and they walked to the train station.
"I knew it, I knew there was something not right. I knew you seemed unhappy." said Teresa, Ariels older sister.
Looking back now, she doesn't remember the train journey to the next town. She doesn't remember the journey to the bar. What she remembers is the feeling. The feeling that something was off, the feeling she was the only one not in on the joke. Urgh. Ariel felt so ugly, so fat, so the opposite of everything those other girls embodied that night.
Even now, she can't remember the rest of that evening except wanting to leave. She thinks there could have been a fight and she doesn't even remember the journey home. Everythings such a blur except those feelings.
A few days later they celebrated their 6 years of being together. They started dating at 19, he treated her like she was something special, this was her first real love. Or so she thought.
Ever since he had started the band, he was different. Was it since then, she wondered. Or was it when he got that new job in the next town. Starting earlier, finishing late. She couldn't quite figure it out, something was not the same.
She prodded him about it occasionally, he said she was mad, imagining things. Why am I so crazy she thought to herself. What's wrong with me, she wondered.
"I love you Lorraine"
Why did it happen? She'll never forget that day. She can't even remember what prompted her to look at his phone that day. The day that changed eveything, the day that turned everything upside down.
"I love you Lorraine. "
All Nath had to do was end things. What if she hadn't seen the text? How would things have gone?
It was too late now. She had seen the text. Ariel waited for him to come back from the bathroom.
"What the fuck is this?" she said quietly, tears in her eyes. Her mother was in the lounge and Ariel didn't want her to hear.
Nathan said... What did he say? She can't remember that either. She thinks he tried to reason with her. She knows she thought that they could stay together. To pretend it had never happened. Nathan could get a new job and they'd try again. Without her.
Ariels heart was broken. But she was hopeful. Stupidly. That's right, he would quit his job, delete her number and they would go on with their lives. He agreed. That night they made love. It was passionate and Ariel couldn't understand why he had done it, why would Nath cheat on her if he loved her?
The next morning Nath had changed his mind. He was leaving. For good. That was it, it was over and she had no choice in the matter. She hated herself, why had she done this to him, how could she let him love another?
Her heart was broken and she never thought she'd be happy again. She was fat, ugly, lonely. No one would want her, where was she ever going to meet another guy? She was 25 and had spent the last six and a half years with him, who was she now?
She went to bed thinking about him, leaving the TV on cos she couldn't sleep without him.
At work, she worked in a clothes shop, everytime she heard a love song she ran to the bathroom, crying. How was she ever going to cope without him?
She would text him and he wouldn't reply for hours, she knew it was because he was with her. Why does he hate me? Why does he love her?
She packed his things. When Nath came to collect them, they shared a moment. They made love, she even thought that they might get back together.... He left again.
Everyday was the same, he was the first thing she would think of in the morning and the last thing she'd think of at night.
Everday she waited for a text, occasionally one would come. But it was never the one she hoped for, the one that said that he was coming back to be with her....
