Silent Screams

Chapter 1

"My name is Evangeline Everlasting. I'm 17 and I go to Middle River High school".

This is my third therapist in the last 2 months. I have talked to so many therapists and people in my lifetime who doesn't even care about my wellbeing. My favorite was this women in her mid twenties. Her name was Tasha. She and I connected on a spiritual level and I had thought she had felt the pain I felt for so many years but I found out she hadn't and told me she couldn't help me. Yeah I know, hurtful but The truth hurts.

I've been alone for so long. I don't have parents. No family members wanted me because they couldn't "handle" the pressure. I've been in the system for 1 year and now I'm with this foster family that is too stuck up to even acknowledge that I'm underweight and depressed they just said to 'move on and talk to someone'. But how can I move on for such a big tragedy. How can I forget when my heart was ripped out of my chest and was stomped on the ground repeatedly. How can I feel happiness when all the light was sucked out of my eyes.

I feel weak and numb, I don't have the power to argue, to love, to communicate, to move on. I don't even have the power to feel hurt.

"Hello Evangeline, my name is Mr. Brown but you can call me Tyler". He smiled. Such a genuine smile that reached his eyes which was filled with such happiness and light. He probably had a family at home that cared about him, he probably had a wonderful mom and dad and brother and sister and didn't witness their deaths. If only I could switch places just to feel happy again, but then again I don't think no one can go through what I went through and I wouldn't wish that pain and torture on anyone. There's something about Tyler that is welcoming with open arms. Which is something I need. I needed to cry, I need to be free. But I'm scared that when I do there's no going back.

"Hello" I said politely. One thing I learned from my mom before she passed was that no matter what be respectful and responsible always even if you don't want to. God I missed her.

"So Eva, tell me about yourself". He said shifting to the other leg looking at me. I don't even know where to start. My life is like being invisible. They can hear me but yet they can't see me. The real me. The me that is hurt. The me that just want to feel happy. "Um, my name is Evangeline Love Everlasting. I like dogs. My favorite color is black, well favorite shade. I'm not all that interesting. I'm smart The is my last year in highschool because I smiled to grades and I want to be therapist like you". Everything I said was truthful but I knew he wanted to know why I came here. "Interesting, so tell me why are you here". See I knew it, they all the same. "No disrespect sir, but I'm pretty sure you know the answer to that question". I looked him dead in the eyes while saying that. "Actually I don't, I want my clients to tell my willingly". He just shrugged like it was nothing. I could have been a murder but nope he wouldn't know. "It's very depressing". I said looking down at my feet. "You don't have to tell me the story just the events". Ok just the gist. No big deal.

I'm the only child, my mom and my brother died when I was 14 years old in a car accident. My dad died when I was 12. I'm adopted but I don't feel like I'm wanted. They're never home and when they do they just ignore me and give a list of what to clean around the house. I had over 20 therapists in my life and yet all of them failed to "cure" me and disappointed me" I said all in on breath. He just wrote everything down on a piece of paper. He's very quiet. "How do you feel about that". He asked. I looked at him in disbelief. You just asked me how do I feel that my family was taken away from me. So I'm forced to talk to strangers for support because my family don't give zero cares in the world and only think about themselves. "W-what" he's got to be kidding. "How do you feel about all the deaths in your life and you being abandoned but you family that you have to go to some strangers who doesn't give you the time of day". He said casually. For some reason I got really mad, I don't know maybe because he read me like a open book. Plus he was blunt about it and don't cut corners. I would love that in a friend but yet he's my therapist and supposed to make me happy or something like that. " I hate my life so much. I lost everyone only one I got is my boyfriend. I hate this. I hate therapy because you really don't care for me and you can't fix me you just a person I talk to and get pity and sympathetic smiles. I had that ever since- I'm so tired. I'm so tired of everything I want to cry but I can't I want to hurt but I feel numb. Do you know how that feel? It's worst than feeling hurt. I do anything to feel an emotion. I feel like a walking corpse, they can't feel nothing. I just live every day waiting for the last day I wake up. Yearning for me feel, to get a happy feeling for a long time. I'm tired of being sad and most importantly I'm tired of being tired". I answered his question to the best of my ability. I have not been this truthful in so long. How he did it on the first day, I would have to find out but wow.

He looked like I grew a nose on my forehead. "What makes you think I'm pitting you. I haven't lost my family but I did lose people I loved the most. I been there where you don't feel anything. When you can't talk to anyone because you think no one will get you. When you stuck in the dark trying to find the light. When you too broken to be fixed again. I know Evangeline".

I scoffed at that. "How did you get over it"? I asked interested in his answer. "I let someone in and talked to them". Maybe just maybe he's the one. Not the love of my life of anything but the one light to my darkness. Lord himself knows that I can't take this any longer.

This chapter is long.... and as you read you will read flashbacks of what happened to the family.

Love you
Tootles and kisses💕