Beutiful Sadness

Prologue

"When the rivers are flowing with blood, flesh is rotting under the sun and mist of sorrow covers the fields, hope is the only thing that keeps one's soul alive" (Unknown)

                                                            *Nozomi's Diary. Fragment 1*

  What does definition of Life mean for me? Is it the unexpected and beutiful little gift from the Gods or grueling burden on my back, which is constantly being bent, in order to serve the Society which I don't belong to? Since the very age of four, I had been taken away from my family and hometown back in Aiko and was living here, in Toranaga castle. "How did that happen?" You may ask. Well, it is not the most pleasant story to tell and I would really apreciate if You could ask this question next time. What is more, today I would love You to hear the story of how I met Him. As You could undertand, I have spent past ten years in Toranaga castle against my own will. However, since I have left my hometown, my new mission and purpose of life became serving Master IIda. Being the youngest Master IIdas servant is a huge honour and resposnisibility for me. I know that there are many other girls in the castle that would love to take my place. I have even heard a lot of rumours from the older servants that Master IIda might take me as his concunbine, when I will be old enough. However, I have never felt light, around him. Even though I have never directly looked him in the face and always kneel with my head down to the ground, the minute I see him in my sight. I do understand that Master IIda might be the most powerful man in the whole of the Three Countries, however his acts of violence have also became legendary. I know, that any person inside the castle would get sentenced to death or endless torture for making a slightest mistake within the premises of the castle or sight of his guards. I also heard that last week the whole family of servants were boiled alive, for breaking a glass, while breakfast to the Dining Room and Master had vitnessed it. I really do hope that those poor people will resurrect into the more peaceful land . However, Master IIda is being very generous and good towards us, the Beutiful Servants of The Palace. Generally, we keep tidy the main Palace, which is mainly accessible for noble politicians. Samurais and Master IIda's family. What is more, sometimes we do accompany lower-class politicians and Samurais and keep their company as well. However, I am still considered to be too young for that and still studying the art of conversation with teacher Aoshi. Once, after the lecture teacher told me "You are like Lotus. Lightly floating and flattering everyone,that witnesses You, with beuty". I really do apreciate this comment of such honourable man, that I don't even deserve to spend my time with, however, I don't find myself as stunning as everyone else in the castle does. I find it unbelievable that my best friend Yuki, who is another Beutiful Servant of The Palace and two years older girl (that I myself find extremelly attractive) always praises my long brown hair, blue big eyes and curvy hips. Last night, before we want to sleep (we share the same room in the servant house close to the castle) she told me that one of the Master IIdas guards could not take his eyes off my hips, when I was delivering tea for visiting Otawa clan member in the guest room. Even though I really do appreciate the compliments of Yuki and other servants, men attention was quite scary in the castle. I really do love spending time and talking with other girls who serve castle or playing with the kids on my free time, but the minute I am approached by men, I just feel that powerfull and bad energy floating in the air. I really don't understand why that is happening, but it makes me suffer a lot. As a result, I ussualy can't fall asleep easily (normally Yuki is already dreaming her third or fourth dream and I'm still awake) and fighting dark thoughts that makes my skin crawl and Life seem sad. I can't answer to myself why I feel so weird when Yuki looks me straight in the eye. I really hope that she never notices the way I look at her, before she goes to sleep. And God, please, I hope that my cheeks don't turn as pink as Sakura's leaves the minute, she compliments me... That would be so humilliating and so scary.. And why I feel such uneasy feeling about men in the castle? Maybe because majority of them are at least decade older than me? Or is it the Curse of Gods that makes my whole existence so challenging? However, I still find it comforting to undertsand that every day little things makes me grateful to be alive. Even the smallest conversation with another servant girl or sunny day could make me feel happy and drunk in joy. I don't think that I do need even mention eating cherry flavoured ice-cream in the castle gardens and enjoying Yuki's amazing company on my free off-duty time... And that's how everyone in the castle used to see me. The happy beutiful servant. Inside I used to agree with the only word out of this combination - servant. However, I did not knew that this perceiption is going to change very quickly as soon as he will enter my life...

                                                       *Yuto's Perceiption. Thoughts. Part 1*

   The second I saw her delicate body, wraped in colourful kimono, soaking in the bath of blood, I could not feel anything. Her big blue eyes looking straight into my soul with a look that no one could ever describe. Those eyes...Those beutiful big bue eyes...They...They...They are looking...dead. And I could not feel anything. The floor, soaking wet of blood, Nozomi's hand holding a sharp knife, the huge wound in her chest. I just can't believe that this just happpend. I refuse to believe it. No. No. No. No. No. I'm so sorry Nozomi...I...Just...Have...Killed you.