The Midnight Advice Column

01 | drifting best friends

R E Q U E S T

Over the last few weeks, I feel as if my best friend and I are drifting apart. I really don't want for us to, but I feel helpless in stopping it. What should I do?

ASK BETH

I'm gonna start out by saying : I've been there. And I bet a lot of people have. Losing a best friend is never easy, even if they did something horrible to you. It's especially hard if two had been friends for a while, because you'll miss them. And that's perfectly natural.

But sometimes, the best thing to do is just let them go. If they're consciously making an effort to keep you out of their life, then let them go. It'll make both you and your "best friend" happier.

So as much as I can relate to this on so many levels I am going to try to keep this as objective as possible. There are a few things which are helpful to remember in this situation, which are tough things to realise, but generally help the process of rebonding or recognising that this friendship could be one you have to reconsider:

· That person is their own person. As much as you may wish that once they commit to a friendship with you, they will on top of that make new friends, which may seem like they are drifting. Try becoming friends with their friends.

· Be open and honest with them. Definitely easier said than done. A lot of problems stem from not being completely open with people. If you make your true feelings known and are willing to work on the relationship with them, and they still drift, then unfortunately you've done your part, and cannot try keep a friendship only you are interested in.

· Make sure you're not the only person to initiate. In this situation, don't initiate all the conversation/ meetings, and see if your friend is still interested in hanging out with you, and if they are willing to make the effort to reach out. However this ISN'T hard-to-get, this is making an effort yourself but it does take 2 in a friendship and you have to see if your friend is willing to keep the friendship going.

· Don't talk about the situation. I don't mean don't talk about it to the person in question, that is necessary, but rather don't tell all of your friends about the situation unless they are TRUSTED. If a friend repeats what happened, it tends to make the person in question more defensive and it blows the situation out of proportion.

I was once very close with a friend, but I always seemed to be the one reaching out and they never seemed to be interested in hanging out after a while. They had made new friends (who were previously my bullies) who I wouldn't hang out with. I then made all the effort to hang out with her, thinking that was what I should do, but she ended up telling me I was 'clingy'. Me, being upset, went and ranted to a friend, who then repeated everything to the person in question. When she found out, she cut me off completely. At first I was desperate to become friends again, but then after some serious thought and consideration, I took all the other factors of the friendship into consideration and realised it was probably for the best. Definitely not saying it's an easy thing to realise, and it definitely hurt a lot, taking me a while to completely 'recover'.

Feel free to message me at any time for elaboration :) I would love to stay updated on the situation and give you advice along the way, tailored to each situation.

written by itsbethanyjoy
edited by acciomii