Two-Faced

Perfection vs Reality

So my counsellor said to write down everything I know is definite.
My name is Aria Gellen.
I am 15 years old.
My parents are Camilla and Michael Gellen.
My best friends are Victoria Hamin and Scarlett Pocad.
I am the most popular girl in school.
The last fact scares me.

You read correct. I am the most popular girl in school, and it frightens me to death.
Every day I walk into my form room, and the whole class says hi. I walk in as if I don't have a care in the world, and life is as easy as flicking a bug of my arm.
But it isn't.
I walk in, my hair and makeup immaculate, acting as if it only took 5 minutes, when it really took an hour. My uniform, spotless, is ironed by my mother every morning, just because she loves me. That, I am truly grateful for. My mother and father are the only two people i can confide in. Two out of 7 billion.
I will go through my lessons as if i naturally know everything, and nothing fazes me.
But it does
I constantly worry that I will not be good enough, that I will not meet the expectations of the class. That I will be downgraded to nothing.
I come to lunch, and I try to eat healthy, although I can't help buying food from the cafeteria. I feel like I shouldn't be eating unhealthy food, but I eat it anyway.
After two more lessons, I sit at home with a bag of crisps, amd think about how much more productive, more healthy, more work-orientated, more sport-orientated it could be. I start thinking of all the ways my day could've gone better, and it all starts with at least one tiny detail. I start to trail off and focus on my flaws, and how to be a better person.
I get so caught up in this world of perfection that I forget to consider what went well, what went great, what went amazing. This is my greatest flaw.

This morning I was sitting with Vicky and Scarlett, and my name was called from the other end of the long cafeteria table. I do not want any attention drawn to me, but I also do not want people to feel I am igmoring them.
I leaned forward, just enough so that my back chair legs were swinging in the air. Then, my chair slipped from underneath me and I landed face first in my macaroni cheese. Everbody laughed.
This is what I am afraid of. I will be classed as the class wierdo.
Nobody knows about my struggles. Nobody wants to know. Nobody needs to know.