Two-Faced

Home=Safety

This afternoon, after the long walk home, I started off my evening by completing some homework. The walk home was terrible, as always. The reason why?
The whole school knows who I am.
Some people would say that is a great thing, but i don't.
One trip on a slightly raised edge, and I am officially 'clumsy'.
Take my blazer off? I can imagine whispers of "eww she must be really hot and sweaty, she took her blazer off" following me through tge roads leading to my home.
Keep my blazer on? Can you just imagine what they would say? "What has she got to hide?" etc.

So, I entered my house through the side gate, hoping nobody would see me slip in through the door with tears streaming down my face. My mum was there, standing where she always stands, as she knows I will always try to sneak up to my room with a hasty hello and no explanation. My mouth opened, trying to think of yet another excuse for why my silent sadness had made its mark on my face. She simply said "I understand. I trust that you will tell me in your own time."

After a while standing there in my crumpled school uniform, looking like I had just been dragged through a bush backwards, I made my way up to my spotless room. I sat at my matte white desk, not a speck of dust to be seen. I noticed that my parents had placed a note on my desk. It said, "We love you, sweetheart. Never forget that. " I tried to push a fresh wave of tears down, but they welled up in my eyes, and threatened to spill over the rim of my eyelid, and break the barrier holding all the water in my body back from my eyes.

My homework, now spread across my desk, swam in and out of focus in front of me as my eyes watered, and I decided that enough was enough. I had had enough of this. I thought to myself, "What is the point? Why do I do this to myself? For other people? Why do I care what they think? I am living for me, and for me only. I have had enough. I am going to start making as many positive changes as possible, without changing me. I will be the better version of me."

This is the story of how I changed from insecure, uptight and popular to an independent, carefree, lovable girl.