Me, I've been through a lot. Since I was young, I already knew that my life would not be as normal as everyone else. I'm different.
I was like a stone in the middle of a beautiful field of flowers. I'm alone... and useless.
Childhood memories should be fun. Many of my friends are telling me how they've lived their life and how exciting their childhood is. And I always get amused every time. But for me, again, it's different.
When I was a kid, I always get everything that I want. From toys to everything. I get to play with everything I wanted legos, dolls, even the good old PSP. But I did know that something is missing. With all the fun I get from playing my toys, I don't feel any contentment. I always feel this hole in my chest that can't be filled by the fun of playing. A kind of happiness that toys can't give. A happiness that can only be given by love. Don't get me wrong, I was loved when I was a kid. I knew the feeling of being loved. But not all kinds of love.
I always see children playing outside my house. They're always smiling from ear to ear, playing with their hearts out and savoring every moment of happiness they're getting, like there's no tomorrow. With them getting dirty and all, sweating making their clothes wet, I'm not sure why they're still smiling but I know they're having fun. The fun that can't be experienced by someone who's always home lying on their bed and waiting for miracles to happen. In short, by me.
I'm a kid who is deprived from everything outside my house. Sure, I'm going to school and stuff, but I never get a chance to play outside like other children does. I always thought of it like my mom is no fun. Because for me, I thought of fun as something that can be experienced by playing with others. And I've never done that.
My routine would always be house-school-house and that basically is my chilshood. So much fun, right?
But when I grew older, that is when I started to get things a little bit clearly. More reasonable for me to understand things I was not able to catch when I was younger. I can say that I've became less immature now than the past years of my existence.
Wow, for an eight year-old to say that, all I can say is, you still dumb. But a little bit less.
I already knew what kind of situation my family is in. It's something different but not anything strange. I'm in a family that have a Mom and brother. Not anything more, and anything less. What is it called again? Oh yeah right, A broken family. But it's all good. At least in my perspective, my family is complete. I think.
Day by day, everything is starting to feel a little strange. And slowly I'm already feeling uneasy on things I'm used to do. If my curiosity before just kept me over thinking, now it is already leading me in a dark place of isolation that I know when I step my foot in, there's no easy way back. But after all, I'm just a kid. There will be no one blaming me for the things that I'll do. Or there will be...
