Her musings

Draupadi muses...

The Koel's bubbling call invited the legendary star of the sky to enlighten the residents of heaven, about the arrival of an important day.
The green leaves glistened idiosyncratically, having mischievous dew drops haze its existence.
The rising star glanced at me before tumbling behind the clouds.
"Draupadi", my ears tingled hearing my worldly name, the heaviness of the clouds was giving each letter of my name, a unique focus.
Those clouds are not merely balls of water, but a symbol of him.
"Arjun" The soft fire flames dancing in the tired pile of wood of last night enunciated the most beautiful name of the world.

My fingers carefully obstructed the sunshine's vigour to greet me, the lotus eyes of mine narrowed instantly, the intense gaze of the celestial body was unbearable until the first few kisses of the rain touched my physical self to seep into my heart.

Indra's happiness to see his son being born from the womb of Pritha is copious, he is helping each new bud on earth to blossom and rejoice, the glorious content of the Devaraja reaches me too, in heaven.

I cupped my palms to store some of his cheerful tears with me, perhaps this would be the only physical attribute of the newborn child which I could keep for myself.

"You will be required",
Kanha had told me long before his celebrated descend to the bhuloka.
Krishnaa is my identity and Yagyasaini is my worth.
Surpassing the feelings boiling in my mind, my lips widened to smile imagining the day of my advent.

An emotion swirled within me, the emotion called love!

Jishnu's arrival in Kururashtra is not a common one, he shall be the single bearer of the flag of victories and even the only bearer of my heart.

My pupils sighed in satisfaction as I observed the euphoria simmering in the minds of the Devas, their expressions all jolly as if Nand Lala had called one of them to accompany him in his raas leelas.

A strong wave of pique wrapped uncomfortably around my beating heart viewing my girl friends describe the heavenly beauty of him, in his human form,
Panchali's Paarth shall not be tainted by their jealous souls.

Jostling the girls out of my way, I armoured my mind from any sentimental attack,
my sight registered the perfect bodied infant in the arms of Maharaj Pandu's first wife.

"My Krishna..." those delightful words bristled my distressed conscious, disgruntled because of the sudden parting with him.

"Your offspring shall be exactly like Purushottam's infancy" Merry utterances poised.

Colour of roses infused my skin but immediately a needle pricked my spine, my eyes were mannered to refrain from displaying any tint of desire, desire to be with him, desire to lead a normal life.

Krishn's solemn instructions shovelled my heart to make it hollow, only to pour in the love of his beloved friend.

How will I love five, when my pulse obeys him?
How will I love five, when the fiery spark of mine can be only contrasted by his water?

Flashes of Krishn's rhythmic conversation strengthened my brain,
"Jishnu's Krishnaa will become Arjun's Draupadi only, come what may!"

"Sacrifices and altruism be the essence of your love!"

"He, who has your breathing in his control will master the ceremony which will bind you in Bhulok.

He, who sees you transparently will be the reason for your nativity in Bhulok."

My lips part only to repeat the tender lines of Madhusudhana,
He, who is Arjun will be your soulmate!

The thoughts which had formerly shivered the woman inside me were now a bunch of nightmares.
Those thoughts crumbled the dreams I weaved for us.

What will a woman who has five husbands be called?
What will a woman who loved only him be called?
What will a woman who destroyed her own dynasty be called?

"Agnisuta!"
The soothing sound of his flute's music collected the shattered pieces of my upcoming life.
"Your devotion towards him will be challenged, mortals will challenge your immortal affection"

The searing burns under my skin were evidence of separating with him, the phase of separation has started, his birth marks the beginning and the demise of my mortality will mark the end.

We will, as we were, be united again, in heaven.

Should I blame the marital vows when I will be thrown under scrutinisation of loving only him?

Or should I blame the clogged pores inside beings who will portray my affection for him, dividing it as five different sweets?

I, the daughter of Agni will establish Dharma and support Narayan in this reform however in the deepest point of my heart, I secure only the picture of the one who is my soulmate,
with whom my soul is intertwined.

He will be the Indra aansh to the Saachi aansh fluttering inside me,
He will be the Narayan's shadow to the silhouette of Lakshmi within me,
He will be the water to calm my fiery streaks.

Whether the world understands or not,
whether they label my love to be divided into five equal parts,
whether they disrespect the relationship of Arjun and me,
I shall come to earth to follow the will of the Gods!