Dear Almost Everyone I've Grown to Love, I Hate You All Now

Part 1: Waking Up

I remember the darkness, enveloping me so tightly it was impossible to let my eyes adjust. I remember feeling numb and weightless, floating in midnight-black waters with no sense of direction. Was I drowning, or had I stopped breathing altogether?

I remember a rush, like speeding down a road with the windows down, all sounds lost but the harsh cry of the wind in your ears. Time was meaningless; seconds blurred into hours and days could have passed before finally, I found myself in the bus I always took to get to school. The other passengers went about their business in their own little worlds, avoiding everyone else's eyes as they fidgeted with their phones, dozed lightly before their stop, among other things.

Flat and inanimate in the seat next to me was my bag, worn and dirty, but trustworthy. Sitting atop of it was a pad of paper and a blue-inked pen. As I examined them, a single thought weaved into my brain like yarn in a knit sweater: write. There was a demanding emotion attached to the thought, almost desperate in its ferocity.

I uncapped the pen and, in an attempt to fulfill the need, wrote a random string of words on the thin blue lines. However, as I approached the third line I found the hunger unsatisfied. With a frustrated growl, I scratched out the words. There was an itch in the corners of my mind, like a word on the tip of your tongue yet still so far out of reach.

Something was coming. Something big. And I needed to hurry. I needed to write.

I glanced at my watch. 6:20 am.

With a shaky inhale, I tried a different approach. Digging deep into my mind, forcefully scratching in hopes to hit the spot where the itch was coming from, I gripped the pen tightly in my left hand and wrote.

This is my piece for "DearAmna", a wonderful project that you should definitely take part in! I've put the official guide in the external link if you're interested! The general content of the following letters are true, just that certain details were altered for privacy reasons.