sick feeling

one

look at her

her gleaming strands of soft, tightly curled silk catch my eye and make me breathless one last time before, ding, the bell rings, and the mass of us all are stirring to our next destination to sit for even longer than our bodies can handle. look at her go.

all I want is to grab her hair and brush it softly

take little sections of her locks and braid them back like her mother does every so often

caress her dark skin that catches the light and I, in my pale glory, would feel like I was whole.

a goddess like her could never love a mortal woman as broken as I.

I sit in the back of the classroom with my clunky sneakers and wait until her slim body passes so I can picture it being mine
I dream about even grazing it when I get the chance
but as I scurry to a new room with new faces, I get lost in what could have been, never what is, and how I just need to put myself out there just a little more--
but no
no one can know.
my dear, if they found out about you, do you know what they would do to me?

do you know what I would do to me?

my libido putting you in danger! of course that is how it has to work.

you are a little spice in the life of pure vanilla ice cream and in every drop of dulce deliciousness I taste you getting closer. do they know about you? do they know about the look you gave me? the note you passed me, the day you kissed me? in my head, my love, in my head this has all happened not once, but too many times.

I've made love to you in this mind more times than inches of blood vessels in my body, I really don't plan on stopping. science is boring, anyway.

your face holds every secret. in every time you glance to the side, every time you blink, every time you inhale the sweet air through your button nose each secret comes out gently. I feel as if having watched you so many years I know the space that fills each corner of your skull.

what is shame, what is shame? why would I be ashamed? because my silence is loud and you begin to notice my stare. catch my eyes one more time for me to flit my sight away from you, but never ceding in thought, never ceding in fantasy.