acid //n.h.

twelve

You know what sucks the most?

When your whole life is a lie. When you can honestly look into the eyes of someone you loved and believe every piece of bull shit that comes out of their mouths. Everything anyone ever told me wasn't fucking true. I was living in a lie and I was the pure center of it. They were trying to protect me when all I ever wanted was the truth.

After my mom shot Michael, shit went down. Louis didn't want me to leave he wanted to explain everything to me. I wanted to stay and listen but I didn't need an explanation. I needed a friend and honestly when I was thinking about someone, anyone I could talk to there was no one. Harry, Louis, Michael, my mother all my friends were either lying to me or dead. But then there was Niall. God damn. I didn't know what to call him anymore. He was always there for me at the right time and make me feel loved yet he told me to let him go and move on. I don't know about anything anymore.

The next night my mom sat me down and told me the real truth. We had all the facts everything was there and it finally all made sense.

"Your father had power and money around here and honestly Matt didn't like that. You know how he acted scared of your dad?" I nodded remembering the time they first met and the look of shock and surprise in his eyes. My mom continued. "He wanted revenge on him for everything he didn't let you two do and when he was drunk and Michael was stupid to bring a gun," she paused and tears rose in my eyes, " Matt your boyfriend who we loved and you loved killed your father. I don't understand" by than I was crying too. I didn't want to believe it but it did make sense.

The next morning my mom, Louis, and Harry went to the police they told the story and the police. They were there for hours and after they figured the whole thing out they let Niall go. I was so fucking pissed that day. I didn't want him near anywhere near me. It all happened so fast. Michael getting shot, Niall leaving jail and me finding out my boyfriend killed my father.

Now it's been 5 days since that day my mom decided it would be a good idea for him to stay here while he figured out his living situation. I didn't like this idea and for the last 3 days I haven't said a thing to him. I would occasionally shake my head and nod but that's all.

I had my ear buds in listening to my depressed/ sad playlist because that's how I felt. For the last few weeks that's all I've felt. It's crazy to think so much could happen after meeting one boy. One boy that can make you feel so many things. I remember the look he gave me when he first saw me on my ledge. And how he took me to his woods and how we would meet at Becky's and how his laugh would make my day and the touch of his hand was all I needed. Life is a mess. And maybe that's the beauty of it and maybe the goal is to try and figure out the mess. By right now I didn't know what to do with mine.

I hadn't smoked, gone to Becky's or my ledge in over 4 days that was a new record. Maybe it was depression or something but it felt good to not smoke. I needed to let that go and that's what I wanted to do now. I had my cigarettes and the box Harry found in the car a while back. I wanted to bury them. I just needed to let go.

Just as I was about to get up and start the process a tall, blonde haired lad came out and laid down in the grass next to me. He pulled my ear buds out of my ear. I sat up and looked down at him. He sat up next to me and now we were looking at each other. Really looking at each other for the first time in a long time.

"I kinda missed talking to you" Niall said reaching his hand out and placing it on my knee. I looked down at his hand on my knee and placed my hand over his. "I missed you too" I just barley whispered.

"I wanted to talk to you" he breathed in. I nodded me too.

"Two things, I'll start with number one he laughed" I smiled and looked up at his face. He really was so beautiful. "I wanted to tell you I'm sorry for lying for doing things I probably never should have done with you. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for not telling you the truth from the beginning. I'm sorry for not answering all your questions. And I'm sorry for pouring all my acid over you like I told you I would" I felt like crying but I didn't know what to say. I wiped my eyes as he laid back down and I followed suite. He placed his hand on mine. And I feeling came back.