Forever Broken

He'll Never Understand

[It was raining out with the air below freezing and it was one of those nights Lilith dreaded every time it happened. She was in the living room sitting in the bay window with her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms hugging her knees while she leaned her back against the window cill. As she was staring out at the rain, she heard his footsteps. He was close. Lilith knew that he would be approaching her at any minute. She just knew that he was looking for her. How could she not? It was one of those nights and she recognized those footsteps anywhere. Within the next minute Storm was in the room with her. She could feel his presence. He started talking to her but her thoughts muffled his voice. She looked over at him and sighed.]

Lilith: (sighs) What is it this time Storm?

Storm: I'm worried about you Lilith. Every time this happens it seems to get worse and you try to shut me out and push me away. You also haven't moved from your spot all night.

Lilith: Yeah, i know and I'm sorry for that. I don't mean for it to get this bad. But tonight, i just don't care.

Storm: Lilith, you know that i try my hardest to be there for you and that i always support you. I am seriously worried about you. I am aware that i don't show my emotions like a normal person and that i am an asshole, but i care about you and i think you should talk to me about what's going on.

Lilith: No thanks. A lot of times you get angry with me and tell me to stop and get over shit and to just move on. It's easier said than done and i am not in the mood to deal with it. 

Storm: It's not up for debate this time. Now tell me what is on your mind. You know that i am rough around the edges a lot of the times but that i do care about you. I have always cared about you. You should know this. I know that it doesn't feel like it but i do. I just don't express my emotions well. 

Lilith: Even though sometimes it can feel like you don't care about me, deep down inside i know that you do. You have always wanted what is best for me and you still do. You support me a lot. But sometimes it is not easy for me to talk about my depression and my harmful thoughts or other things on my mind. Sometimes when i try and talk about it with you, you get pissed off at me and shut me out for a while and then come back and act like nothing has happened. Other times you are the most gentle person i have ever seen and you help me through it and let me know that it is going to be okay. I get so confused that i just rather keep it all bottled up inside and have it destroy me instead of destroying the things and people i care about. I do not want to disappoint you or have you get anrgy at me. When you get angry at me, it does not help my situation. 

(Storm moves closer to Lilith and puts his hand on her shoulder.)

Storm: It's not you that disappoints me Lilith. Sometimes it's the things you do that disappointment me. 

(Lilith sighs and removes Storm's handoff her shoulder and gets up and walks away from him but turns around to face him. )

Lilith: Of course it's like that because i can never do anything right. I am nothing but a disappointment.

Storm: That's not true Lilith. 

Lilith: Yes, it is. No one gives a shit about me. I could drop dead and no one would care.

Storm: No, it's not true. I care about you Lilith. I would care if you died. I promise. 

Lilith: (Lilith starts pacing around the room still looking at Storm) No, you wouldn't care. I know you try in your own ways but you're never there when i need you. You also manage to make me feel like shit a lot and you disappear on me for about 3 weeks here and there without telling me and it makes me feel like you hate me and don't care about me. It also feels like i am a big burden and that you don't want me around but just do not want to tell me because you think i can't handle any bad news. And don't you dare say you don't make me feel like shit. You do and it hurts me. Maybe you don't realize what you say has an affect on me but it does. Which leads me to my next point Do not dare say you have never hurt me. To quote Louis C.K. , "When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't." You hurt me every time you make me feel like shit. 

Storm: I didn't know that. I'm sorry. 

Lilith: (Lilith stops pacing) Of course you didn't know. Why would i ever tell you something like that? You would just find a way to use it against me in an argument. 

Lilith: (sigh) I just wish i could make things easier for you. Make your life easier instead of always making it difficult. 

Lilith: Maybe if i just disappear. 

Storm: No, don't do -

(Before Storm can finish, Lilith shoves past him before he can see the tears streaming down her face. As she is heading for the door she accidentally bumps into Jett, startling him. She quickly and quitely apologizes to him while opening the door and then leaves letting the door slam shut behind her. )

[Lilith starts walking down the road alone, Storm not bothering to follow after her knowing chances are it's no use. All in one it hurts and breaks her heart further. She wasn't expecting him to follow her but deep down inside part of her wished that he would have. But of course he wouldn't. That was foolish of her to think he would. Why would he? She's not important to him and she never will be. Even though she suspects he might like her more than a friend, she could never be important to him. The rain was cold and coming down hard while the wind started to pick up. She was soaking wet and her hair becoming a complete mess. It didn't take long though because she hadn't bothered grabbing a jacket on her way out. She was wet and freezing cold, but she didn't care if she froze to death.]

Lilith: After all, I am just an extra in everyone else's lives...