A LOVE's Diary

Friday

Dear LOVE's,

You now know my story in this wonderful journey beside nu'est. I also gave you a little glimpse of how I feel about my fellow fandom.

The love I have for fellow LOVE's is immense. No matter what happens, the purest of souls are within the fandom. I have seen the bad in many, but that is life. I cannot blame the fandom or those who choose to do so. Instead, I cling on and with many others, try to make everything a safe space for not only us, but for everyone else.

I cannot thank you guys enough for sticking through and being the best people. We are LOVEs and I cannot wait to someday meet if not all of you, many of you in person.

And I will write all of our encounters like I am about to write about one special LOVE I was finally able to meet. My first time meeting a LOVE in real life and first time seeing an amazing old friend.

The day was July 5th, 2019

I had awoken a little late in the morning, my heart racing the moment I opened my eyes. I was going to meet an old friend I had never seen in person before.

I was rushing not only myself, but my partner as well. I was smiling uncontrollably, dancing throughout the hotel room, getting ready as quickly as possible without makeup so I could meet her.

I was a mess and I didn't care. I was shaking from excitement as my boyfriend, K, was opening the door to lead us to the hallway.

"Are you ready?" Was all I could hear as I burst into the hallway and ditched him for the elevators.

I was meeting her. She was in the lobby. Right now, we were in the same city, area, building.

I caught a glimpse of myself from the reflection of the hotel doors; wet, stringy hair, messy brows, and over glossed lips.

I was a little sad this was going to be her first time seeing me- like this. But it was instantly dismissed when K and I waited to go down a few floors to the lobby.

I can't describe the moment I took my first step outside the elevator doors and turned to my left, instantly locking my eyes on the target- she was beautiful. It was all I could have ever dreamed of. Seeing her sitting on the lobby couch, her suitcase beside her, phone in hand and face glued to it. I felt my chest swell and tears starting to form, but I would not let that stop me from loving this woman to my hearts content.

I felt a little bad that I completely forgot my boyfriend was behind me, also ready to meet the woman I had been obsessively talking about for over a month now. How we met online, had group chats, and how she was involved in so much of our fandom that she was one of the people I considered queens.

I didn't run, but anyone there be my witness, I used my legs like Minhyun to have a distance of 100ft to 5 in seconds. My eyes were never swaying, always on her in that moment. I felt a little awkward when she looked up and saw me, starting to stand and once I reached her, I felt even more shy.

Hug or no hug? Oh God she was everything I dreamed of. She felt so familiar, as if we had been around each other for years. But why was I feeling as if I couldn't say a thing?

We ended up hugging and rushed to the hotel room to drop her items off, but our entire way up I was shaking. We laughed and made a few jokes, but I couldn't gather my thoughts.

K was helping me out with some conversation, but I just couldn't stop staring at Esme.

Was this really real? Was she really here with us? Am I really going to spend time with the girl who I had admired for years? Yes. She was really here.

We got to our room and did our makeup, K was patiently on his phone, waiting for us to finish.

I began to open up a little more, asking about items she brought to giveaway for the fanclub meet. We talked a little about her flight and night in NYC, and getting to know each other a bit more.

When we finished, we left to a coffee shop right in front of the hotel. We ordered and talked a lot more about our lives. Family, relatable topics, and of course, NU'EST. My nerves had calmed down and it was easier for me to blurt out things and laugh. We took a couple of photos in remembrance of our time together.

After coffee, we began to walk in the direction we thought would take us to Times Square. But after maybe an hour, we realized we weren't seeing any signs of big screens and rather, apartments and tall buildings.

The walk was beautiful nevertheless. K and I are from a city in the desert. Buildings are short and wide and far between. Cars being a critical form of transportation as bus stops being a rarity outside of downtown. The walk gave us a new view; tall and thin apartments that stretched from one end of the street to the other. Homes being the same way with no gap for space in the yards. 

There were small parks in random places, but they were gorgeous.

When we realized it was the wrong direction, we turned right around and retraced our footsteps, needing to go right back to our hotel and follow down that path. K and I weren't bothered. I was happy because of this entire walk, I was talking with Esme and didn't feel the hour that had passed by under the heat of the sun. I felt like I was in a different world while we walked alongside each other.

Once we made it to Times Square after 40 minutes or so, we went to the Line Store and roamed around for a while. For K, we went to some tourist shops for a sweater he wanted. By the end of our little shopping trip, Esme had to pick her things up from our hotel and take it to where she was going to stay with other friends for the weekend.

As we said our goodbyes, I was so ecstatic. I didn't feel sadness until a few hours after her leave. I would mumble a few things to K, and he would cheer me up for it. Telling me I was still going to see her the next day and not to worry. Saturday I was going to meet her and more friends.

It helped to hear that. I was going to meet a few other old friends. Lully and Ash. Friends I considered to be the rest of the queens in the fandom. Beautiful inside and out.

This day was only the beginning of meeting everyone. Little by little I would be able to meet all who I have loved the moment we spoke.

It was going to be another cheesy story to treasure in my life.

Until tomorrow, my fellow LOVEs.

~~~~~~~~~~~

A Wonderful Day

twitter: @ pledisweek