SAVING CASSIDY

FIVE

        "Look who's getting married." Ben slid the linen invitation across the table to Cassidy, who was reading the Saturday paper. She opened the card and read of Sophie's marriage to the man she started dating after Ben and she came to the end of their relationship at his parents' anniversary party. But she had already seen it coming. Sophie had seen it in the look in Ben's eyes when they gazed upon Cassidy. An expression he had never used when looking at her. She had kissed his cheek, wished him well. Cassidy didn't like her much, and was never able to truly admit to herself why. After all, Ben was with her in the end. But still- Sophie with her Barbie doll beauty and Cassidy with her rough edges. Sophie was simple and sweet next to Cassidy's chaos and temper. Cassidy still thought Ben was crazy for giving the other woman up for her, of all people.

        Putting down the invite, she looked across he kitchen table at her boyfriend. The years agreed with him. He was more handsome then ever. He'd matured into a responsible, kind man with endless patience and a warm, loving heart. They were a strange pair.

        Cassidy was better than she'd ever been physically. She'd gained weight, blossoming into a lovely figure. She'd quit drinking altogether and her eyes were more clear than anyone could remember.

        But. She was plagued by nightmares despite three years of therapy, had yet to have sex with this man that adored her without ending up trembling and in tears.

        Ben, with his gentle soul, always assured her that it would be alright, that she would get past her flashbacks and her fears. And yes, he'd promised, she would have a "normal" life.

        How did he feel, now that one of his exes was marrying and he was stuck in this relationship with a woman that worshipped him but couldn't pull herself together?

        He looked...unconcerned, sitting back in his chair reading the sports page. Forehead smooth, blue eyes bright. He could still pass for a 20 year old. He glanced up and snagged her gaze, giving her a lopsided grin.

        "What?"

        "I don't understand you," she said quietly. He shrugged and reached for his coffee.

        "What's to understand? I'm an open book."

        "Do you know what a catch you are?" He stood, leaned across the table.

        "I thought I was already caught," he smiled, kissing the tip of her nose and settling back again.

        "You could have anyone..."

        "Don't, Cass. Okay?" he interrupted, losing the edge of his grin. This was not the first time she'd pumped him up at the expense of herself. He just couldn't seem to get it through her head that he was with her because he LOVED her, not out of some preconceived notion of responsibility. It was so frustrating to hear her tear down all of the fragile self worth they'd all worked so hard to build up.

        At his words, she sighed and rose, going to the sink and rinsing out her coffee mug. She stepped out of the back sliding glass door onto the deck of the farm home they'd bought from Ben's Uncle who was too old to care for the size of it any longer. He'd sold it for a song and the only stipulation was that Ben marry and fill the four bedroom place with children.

        That was a year ago. Cassidy had seen no sign of a ring or any long-term promises. They'd discussed marriage before buying the house but decided she needed to concentrate on getting well reather than the hassles of a wedding.

        Uncle Glenn's place wasn't really a farm, just made like one with sprawling rooms, rolling hills, woods all around. She and Ben signed the deed together, yet separately.