I didn't notice anything. It was perfect and fine. We shared those perfect memories from time to time.
Neither of us knew we would be without each other. We took a chance and it fucking destroyed me.
Then when we fell apart she told me everything. Everything you did wrong even though it's all my fault. I shouldn't blame myself though. It's not my fault but you've made it so easy blaming me I don't even try anymore. I don't fight because I can't risk losing you more. But the thing is your lost.
I'm lost and you are Lost and we are these two broken people lost in our lives searching for purpose. You were my purpose. I was yours.
How dare you say I am not depressed. It's a mental illness? How can you tell that I'm not sick.
You have shaped everything the way you want it to be. The way you wanted me to be. I can't do it.
My body is reaching the breaking point of loving you. You don't understand in the slightest how sad I am. How much I am trying to stay happy. For everyone. But I, myself want to be gone. So why can't I?
Right it's you. It's because of you. Finally want to take some of the blame? Want me to cry and tell you how much you hurt me. I can't take it anymore.
You sit and say you have important things to do, I was important. I am important. You miss me. Or maybe you miss the thought of someone actually giving more than two fucks about you. Or maybe your trying to keep along you wicked ways. You know my weaknesses and exactly how to hurt me.
And as we see here I am falling. I'm falling into what I can only describe as my own personal hell. I'm here wanting you to be mine. Where have you gone xxxx? Where is the boy I've fallen in love with? Is he done? Is he done with me?
Yes he is done. And I am done as well. I cannot keep living like this. I need to stop thinking about you every night. Pushing you deep down like your not the reason for my problems but you really are. I push you far away but somehow you always resurface and manage to ruin things just by the way you effect my mind.
I need to gain self control. I have it but with you I can't. If you were someone else I would've gotten over it. But this is to much.
All the I love you's were fake. You didn't mean shit. You fucked me over. You told me I was beautiful. Why would you do this if in the end we are done.? The old Xxxx is done. So maybe the old xxxxxx is done?
You affect everything In my life without even being here. I can't breathe without feeling you holding me. Sometimes I sit alone and wrap my arms around myself and think of you holding me at homecoming. That was the best night. You were Xxxx. I was xxxxxx. We were two people in love. What happened.? It must've been all the fights. But the thing is we are not done. We will never be done because once your together your together. I'm always going to be in your head.
And the sick thing is I know I hurt you. I know you cry about me and you can't even let another girl touch you without thinking about me. And I love that. I love the fact that you cannot open up to anyone. Because this is what you deserve.
I was there through everything John you piece of shit
You fucking destroyed me. You took me and left my corpse. I no longer can be happy and be happy with my friends because your always there. I'm always thinking of you. Everyday.
I can't explain the feelings I have for you. Because right now it's hatred and others it's love. You say you miss me? Are you kidding me? Are you trying to put me through hell when I'm trying to move on? Why are you insane? Why do you keep telling me you hate me, blocking me, then becoming friends with me again telling me you miss me? What the fuck is this? I'm not a toy. I'm not some game you just use and then come back to when you want.
I believed this for I long time. I was yours. We weren't dating but you used me still. You use me to this day, we weren't dating but we kissed and you did bad things to me. You said you loved me and the end of that day I was blocked. I was blocked because I was sad. Are you kidding me? I'm sad all the time. I'm sad because of you. You left like everyone else and it's really heartbreaking. It's mind shattering because I thought you cared. I'm so young and I believed you were my love.
I'm Xx and I'm more mature than my mother. She goes through boys like crazy. Why cant I move on? You fucking bastard I hate you for everything you've done. I hate that you continue to this day to hurt me. I hate that you make my friends mad at you. I hate that you did this to me. I hate that I can't be happy. I hate that my friends have to deal with all this shit and continue to grow hatred towards you. I'm not alone but it feels so lonely without you. It feels so lonely.
But in the end
I didn't notice anything.
