High On Emotions

Me save me?

"The light has gone out of your life..." No. Stop it!

It hasn't. The light hasn't gone anywhere.

It's there. It is there, it's all around me

Please be all around me. Please.

Dark thoughts and voices keep creeping into my mind.

Please talk to me! Somebody real. Anybody! About anything.

"Even light all around you won't help"

True. I have to shine from inside.

My head lifts up with a sudden but weak burst of determination.

I can do it! And I can enjoy it too!

"No you can't. You're already too far behind.

Don't even bother to try." And I fall down again.

I feel suffocated inside myself.

A thousand thoughts raging all around

Sometimes a thousand voices, but the one I want has no sound

How do you escape from yourself?

A personal hell where doubt reigns

Positivity punished with an extra dose of insecurity

I watch as a third person as I withdraw into my shell.

Slowly watch myself fade away.

"Get me out!" "And let me in!"

One a sufferer, weak and desperate.

The other a strong one, blocked by invisible walls.

It's funny how walls put up by the weak can block out the strong.

But there's a third person - not me -

Who has control, and is watching the fun.

It can't be me! Why would I do this to myself?

But it is me. My fears, my doubts, a monster created by me.

Oh it may have been society at some point.

But it has evolved, and is now fed by me

I see this as if from afar and know how to help

But when I draw close, wisdom is replaced by anxiety.

"Help me!" I cry out.

But who can hear me?

So feeble a cry that only I can save me.

And yet, I can't.