WHEN WE WERE 18

Love can heal

"I think I'm getting detached from every single precious person in my life. I left the biggest boyband, for a reason. Yes I did. I did because I needed my own space. I felt like the person who was there wasn't me. I wasn't feeling myself. Sure I got the best memories of my life during my band days, but at the end of the day it's not worth if you're not happy."

Turns the page

"Harry, one of the most important person in my life. I loved him so much, I thought he'd have understood me a bit. But no, for him his ego comes first. He thinks I'm selfish and I did it all because of myself. I bet everyone thinks that. But it's not the truth. Everything is just not what the camera shows. But Harry knows me for years and the saddest part is he doesn't even want to listen to me. He didn't give any chance to explain him why I left."

Zayn writes in his diary and the next moment he scribbles it. Lately, he has been doing this. He doesn't know what to do. He left the band, he needed some alone time and he went to Bradford to spend time with family.

"Sometimes you just need to spend time with your closest persons to make you feel better. I thought no matter what I'd have my love, Harry beside me during my worst time. I'm heartbroken, not only my fans but also the person I loved the most, misunderstood me and decided to move away from me. Am I that bad?"

Zayn again scribbles all of it. He did that for the 6th time this morning.

"Bhaiya, you up?" Safa shouts from the ground floor.

"Yeah Safa, I'm up here." Zayn responds

"Mom is calling down, to have breakfast." Safa shouts again.
But Zayn doesn't answer.

"Bhaiyaaaaa!!! Come down quickly. Or else I'll eat up the chicken curry myself."

Safa knew, Zayn loved chicken and he wouldn't resist himself from having it. But this time again Zayn didn't reply.

"Mom , please call bhaiya. You know right, about his eating disorder? Please call him to eat something."

"Safa go up and call him. He'll not listen like this. You know your stubborn brother."

Safa goes upstairs finding Zayn laying on the floor and crying beside a torn diary.
Safa silently goes near him and tries to comfort him pulling him up
While noticing Safa, Zayn wiped his tears away.

"I was just going to have breakfast. You didn't need to come up here." Zayn finally spoke.

"Huh? Really? Bhaiya, why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you not the old bhaiya hum?"
" I want my old bhaiya who was my Superman and was not so weak to cry. Umm... I think I know the reason. You didn't have your breakfast and that's why you're weak. Right?"

Zayn weakly smiled saying, " I see, you take care of your bhaiya well hmm?"

"Yeah, obviously my one and only bhaiya." She kissed Zayn on his cheeks.

Zayn finally felt a little bit happy. Having a little conversation with your loved ones always makes one happy.

While having breakfast

"Zayn, will you have some more curry?" Trisha, Zayn's mom asked.

"No, mum it's enough."

"Lately you've not been eating properly. Zayn if you don't take care of yourself we'll send you back to NYC. Your managers will take good care of you then."

A tear rolled down from Zayn's eyes. As soon as Trisha realised that Zayn was not in the band anymore she said, " I meant your friends. They'll take of you well. Hmm?"

"Mom, I'm done. I cannot eat anymore." Zayn said and Trisha couldn't force him looking at his face. She knew her son was stressed and struggling with his own self. She knew it was time that she should talk to him.

"Zayn, after lunch we'd go out for shopping yeah?" Trisha asked Zayn hoping for a positive reply.

"Okay mom. I'll go with you." Zayn knew he needs to get away from all the depression and anxiety he had built up. So he decided to spend some time outside with family.

While driving

"Zayn take right." Trisha said.

"But mom, mall is on the left side right?"

" We're not going to the mall Zayn."

"Then where are we heading to?"

"We're going to a park beside the river."

"What? But why mom? I mean why do you want to visit that park. No one really goes there."

"That's why I want to go Zayn. I want to have alone time with my baby boy."

"Bu-" Trisha doesn't let him finish and says, "Just drive."

After they reached the park and found a suitable place to sit, Trisha asked Zayn, " What's the matter, Zayn?"

"What do you mean by 'what's the matter'?"

" You know very well."

" Mom I don't want to talk about leaving the band. Please. I told you hundred times. I left the band because the music was not at all my type and. And I really didn't fit in well with all of them-"

" Whom are you lying to?" Trisha keeps her hand on Zayn's shoulder.
" Zayn, I know you and the other four boys were best mates. And you say you didn't fit in well? Beta, I know that their music was not your type. But that's not the one cause you left. And even if it is, why are you constantly struggling with yourself? I see you've become restless. At times you don't even respond to my calls , to any of our calls. Your phone is dead for about a month now. You didn't contact any of them. Did you?"

" I tried mom. I tried my best to keep all the relationships alive. I tried to contact them but I guess none of them wants me now."

" None of them? Not even Harry?"

" I think he hates me-"
" No, he didn't pick my call."

"Why'd he hate you Zayn. Nobody does. Lack of communication. You explain your cause to them. I'm sure they'll get you. I know you're tired of the hate spreading on social media. You see how rumors are spread? And the people spreading these are even more worse. Those who believe in you will never trust these gossips."
" Zayn, you've us by your side. No matter what happens. I'm sure, four of them will surely understand you and will get back to you soon."

"Hmm." Zayn becomes silent.

"And, I've one good news for my sonshine."

"Good news? Are they even related to me?" Zayn asks hopelessly.

"Beta, you're a hard-working passionate person. You'll get success and this is just the start."
"Don't be heartbroken. Keep your hopes alive. They are still worth all the fight."

" What's the news?"

" Mr. Zayn Malik and Mrs. Trisha Malik are invited to-"

"Are invited to?"

"The Asian Awards 2015!" Trisha said with a huge smile.

"Wh-what?"
"Mom, are you sure about it?"

"Of course. You're not opening any of your emails. So, Luke called and said you're invited."

" I just can't believe mom. I mean, I didn't even start my solo career and-"

"And success is calling you already."
" Baby, you're meant to be successful. I Know my sonshine will smash it like anything. You're the best son a mother could ever wish to have."

"I love you so much mom. Without your love and support I'd be nothing ." An emotional Zayn hugged his mother. He couldn't believe that he had something good to start off with.

They drove home after a little conversation. He made up his mind to start up his solo career as Soon as possible, without any delay.