Delving into Nightmares

The first of many

Awake to darkness. This is somewhere familiar, somewhere I've been before. It's different this time though, I don't feel the hurt or sadness I've felt when here before. I walk forward, the darkness seems to open for me. The floor is like a pool, but my feet aren't getting wet. I hear the sound of a drop hitting the water with every step I take. I stop in my place and look down. I'm not me, I have a humanoid form but no skin or hair or clothes. My hands look like light melding together, when I separate my hands the dark suffocates the light between my fingers as they split. I remember this body, it's as familiar as my previous flesh-made one. I know why I'm here. I look around as I walk. I find shadows of people, lights that have been taken by darkness. They're curled onto the ground, each is more twisted and disfigured than the last. I help them up, my light pools into them. Ripping the shadows from their hearts. I help so many people back into their light, until there's no one left to help up. I find myself in the middle of the pitch black, I can no longer find my way through. I hadn't noticed it sooner, because I was too concerned about helping the others find freedom, but I had lost my light. With each person I helped, I shared my light. They took it and left me darker than when they had met me, but they became lighter and free. I was lost, left standing alone in the inky fear that was this place. The place that once felt familiar now felt entirely unknown and terrifying. I wandered for a long time, trying to find a way out, but without my light I couldn't find the exit. I started having terrible thoughts-

"You should've left them all here to rot."

"They planned this, they wanted you to be trapped here."

"You deserve this for trusting them."

"You're pathetic,"

"Worthless,"

"Nothing."

My mind went wild. My eyes felt like they were rolling in my skull. My head felt like it was splitting open. My heart pounded so hard in my chest that it hurt. I started to hyperventilate. My thoughts got even more irrational. Then, I cried. I cried for so long. I couldn't stop crying for what seemed like forever. The thoughts continued. Then, I realized something. I understood. I knew why those shadows needed my light. I looked at myself again. My form was twisted, I was curled on the floor just like them. They were like me, afraid and in need of saving. I gave them safety until they no longer needed me. I stopped crying. I held my breath. My heart slowed. And then I exhaled. I became content in this darkness. It was me now, just as the light was before and the flesh was me before that. The moment I exhaled in my new content mindset, I awoke in my bed. The moon gleamed through my window, just like the light I was made of. My cats were curled up at my side asleep. My heart slowed from its panicked pace in my dream. And the remains of dried tears sat on my cheeks. I laid back down and watched the shadows dance on my ceiling, as if they were celebrating the moonlight. Then I closed my eyes again and fell back into a peaceful sleep.

I wish I had known then that this would be the first nightmare in a long line that would last for years. If I had, maybe I wouldn't have fallen asleep so easily.

Nightmare date - sometime in 2017