Not Built for Love

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I opened my eyes to see an endless expanse of black, pure darkness with a light shining in the distance. So far away, yet seeming so close. I walked towards it for what seemed like forever, treading through the dark.

I finally reached it, only to discover the source was him. Standing there as if he was waiting for me to arrive. He smiled and we talked for a bit. He said he loved me, I was in such shock that someone so bright and beautiful could even consider me worth their time that I said nothing. I gave no answer. I didn't move. I felt tears welling and pouring down my face.

"You're lovely" He said.

"I'm not" I mumbled back.

He reached for me, his warmth was so calming and I was sure his light would swallow me up. I thought to myself "if I am to be lost in anyone, I'm so happy it could be him."

He placed his hand on my shoulder, and I broke. He held my hand, and my fingers crumbled. He touched my face, and it cracked. He held me together the best that he could, but the more he touched me the more I fell apart. I became so lost in him that I no longer watched myself. I let myself become frail and brittle, and when he was there I burdened him with myself.

I cried out, I said I was sorry and begged him to fix me, but he could do nothing.

"You sweet girl. You're just not built for love, are you?" He said, ever so sadly.

I questioned myself in my mind, what could he mean by that? I couldn't wrap my head around it. I had given so much for him, as long as he was happy because of me then I needed nothing. But he wasn't anymore, he was burdened by me and what I had become.

"I wanted to badly to hold you, but I'll never be able to do it happily if you always let yourself break." He told me, holding my broken pieces in his arms.

He set me down, and walked off into the distance. I couldn't chase him, my legs were far too fragile to hold myself up. I could only watch as his light drifted from my reach once again, and I was left back in the dark.

His words repeated in my head, blaring like sirens.

"You're not built for love."

How could he say something so cruel when I built myself for him and him alone. How could I not be built for love when he was all I loved.

I woke, laying in my bed, crying.

How could I be so foolish as to not see that I needed to build myself for me, and allow myself to be loved for what I wanted to be.

How could I be so foolish as to not see that I needed to build myself for me, and allow myself to be loved for what I wanted to be

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Original nightmare date unknown
Reoccurred Sunday November 14, 2021

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