Tampered Beauty

Dispensation

"You know I love you, don't you?" his voice was quiet and a little raggedy. Their skin was slick with drying sweat, heartbeats thumping underneath their rib cages. The young, resplendent Scottish Queen and Dauphine of France lay across her King and Prince's chest, hearing the heart that had long since claimed, interlocked and submitted to her own. She drew aimless patterns on his skin, glistening golden due to the heavy candlelight in the room.

"I do." was her quiet response. Guilt and anger twisted in her gut, unrequited resentment burning her insides. How could Lola force her to hide this from her husband? How could she expect that from her? In fact, why was she submitting to Lola's desires in the first place? She was the Queen, not Lola. She could tell him -tell him right now. Then, they'd work through it and be done with it.

But then the reality of that plan sunk in. If she told him, their dynamic would change into something they might not be able to come back from, or adapt to. He would without a doubt claim the unborn baby, dote on Lola and trap her and it in Mary's life for good. The anger and resentment Mary bore would grow and feature and bloom into something cold and hard, resembling the figure of Catherine de Medici. Francis would transform into his father and Lola to Diane. The love Francis bore to Mary would fade in time, and redirect itself into the Flemming woman's direction. Mary would harden into Catherine, her heart becoming blind and deaf, only beating for her country and any children she may finally be granted.

If she didn't portray her pain and guilt, then Mary would forever live in silent pain and torment. It would burn her from the inside out, leaving her a cold, empty shell of the naive and sweet girl she once was. However, if she did, what would happen then? Would Francis help them and marry Lola off? Or would he turn to Lola and be a disgustingly happy family whilst she was cold, barren and alone? Mary didn't know if she had the strength to do that. Would she have no choice? Bound by a marriage that couldn't be taken away, forced to stay in French Court, watch Francis dote on his bastard whilst she remained barren and unloved. If she didn't have a child and Francis did, it was a danger to her. She could loose her head because of this, no matter how badly she wished to give him a child, a son, a family. Instead, she would have to be forced to watch Lola -of all people, her least loyal Lady-  give her husband that. Would he make her his mistress in the future? Have more bastard children whilst she waited a decade to have an heir? Or, would he simply kill her and take Lola as his second wife? That had been done before, it was always a possibility of happening again.

That child and Francis' reaction wouldn't only wreak havoc on Mary's personal life, but her professional as well. Francis would be weak and sentimental, lessened on the world's stage, putting France and Scotland in danger and turmoil. And, since he was a man, the world would look to him to rule and not her. It was the curse of being morn a female regnant, her husband ruled his wife and Scotland would be ruled by a foreign Prince and King, not her birth written ruler. They'd be a laughing stock, all because Francis and Lola hadn't thought of the consequences of their actions and were blinded by repulsive lust. Did they not realise the consequences of that night? 

Did they just forget that she existed? That she'd inevitably find out and be devastated? Or, was that the plan? To hurt her?  Was that possible? Did he stop loving her? Why would Lola hurt her like that? What had she done to deserve that kind of betrayal? Of, was that the plan, again? To hurt her for not saving Collen all those months ago? Even if it wasn't, did they honestly not know that Lola could end up pregnant? That she could be ruined and that child forever slandered?