Chapter 11

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The next day, Jinyoung went to Mark's class as soon as he had finished lunch. Because the lunch break was not over yet and most of the students were at the canteen, Jinyoung found only a few students in Mark's class. But one of his classmates told Jinyoung that Mark had been there for the morning classes. Jinyoung waited there patiently but Mark was not back even when the afternoon classes started.


The following day, Jinyoung went there before the lunch break but being informed that Mark had been absent since the morning, he, dejected, had to just go to the canteen, where his friends were.


The next day, which was Friday, Jinyoung was told by one of Mark's classmates again that he had showed up for only one morning class.


The weekend was long for Jinyoung. Jackson, knowing his friend's state, tried to cheer him up, by taking him out, and the three friends hung out.


On Monday, Jinyoung got to Mark's class near the end of an after-lunch class. Just when he approached it, the lecturer came out, having finished her lecture, and passed him. He remained near the entrance and looked at the students who came out afterwards.


His hopes were, however, not crushed this time, because Mark was among those students who got out of the class. Mark stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed Jinyoung, but in a moment, he looked away and was ready to continue his way.


"Mark," Jinyoung called, "I've been searching for you. Didn't your classmates tell you? We need to talk."


"Later, Jinyoung."


But Jinyoung knew better than letting go of this chance. He took Mark's wrist and held it tightly as he hurried to somewhere clear of students and away from the classes. He let go of Mark's hand when they were on the grass lawn and around them were only trees.


"You knew I was searching for you, right?" Jinyoung started, "Why didn't you come to me? It wasn't like you didn't know where to find me. What's wrong with you, Mark? Why do you look so different?"


Mark's eyes were staring into nothing and then they turned to Jinyoung, who was looking at him expectantly.


"Forget me, Jinyoung."


Jinyoung was shocked by those words and his eyes were incredulous. Mark looked so determined that Jinyoung started to be convinced that Mark had said those words for real.


"Why? Whatever we did, didn't mean anything to you? Why did you kiss me then, that night? Why did you have to make me feel like I was wanted, when I was just nothing to you? I don't understand anything anymore. Why did you have to do that to me?"


Mark's eyes on Jinyoung softened, but then he clenched his fists and looked away. In a moment, however, he turned to look back at Jinyoung again, "I don't deserve you, Jinyoung. I know myself that I don't." He drew a deep breath, "I'm a manipulative person. I wasn't honest with you."


Before Jinyoung could question what it meant, Mark continued, "Listen to me, Jinyoung. I lied to you when I said it was my first time to be in Gotjawal forest. My father, he loves hiking, trips to uninhabited places and such sort of adventures. When I was young, he brought me to all the places he travelled to. That was how I found my interest in nature and plants. I've been to all the forests on Jeju island, both with my father and on my own, several times. And I...I know all the ways and paths in those forests. That day, it was all my scheme to make you lost with me. I'd planned it, in my mind, even before the trip - since I'd found out that we were going to Gotjawal forest and you'd be there, on the trip. I've known you since the beginning of last year. You were always someone I longed for, from afar. I knew everything about you. Your class, your friends and your hanging out with girls. You were someone impossible for me to reach. I knew that one of those days, you'd be some girl's boyfriend. This trip was a chance for me to get close to you, to make you fall for me, if that was possible. Everything was all my doing, Jinyoung."


Jinyoung, with his lips slightly parted, had listened attentively to everything Mark had said. They both fell silent afterwards. Mark was waiting for Jinyoung's response but Jinyoung was still in the process of going over all of this information in his head.


He, at last, regained his composure and said, "You like me. Why were you avoiding me then? Do you know how it made me miserable? I wanted to talk to you but you were nowhere to be found."


"Jinyoung," Mark said, quite shocked, "Aren't you terrified? Terrified by the fact that you were stalked by me?"


"No," Jinyoung said, "No, Mark. If anything, I'm flattered. I'm just relieved to know that you do have feelings for me. Because of you, I've realised my sexual orientation. You've made me able to see myself clearer, and I like the way everything's turned out. On top of all of these, I like you. I like how you made me fall for you within that short amount of time. You've given me something I was wishing for and trying to search for in girls. So, Mark, will you just keep your feelings for me, instead of running away from me?"


Mark's eyes glowed with warmth and he drew Jinyoung to him, keeping him in his embrace. Jinyoung smiled as the familiar joy wrapped around his heart.


"Of course, Jinyoung," Mark said, "This love root I've for you, has already been strong. Thank you for understanding me. I was afraid you'd hate me when you knew everything. I couldn't face you, with this guilt that would be all shown on my face. I love you, Jinyoung. Do you know I was actually worried when Yumi was there with us? I thought you'd fall for her."


"That means she was accidentally trapped in your scheme? You didn't mean to make her get lost there, too, right?"


"Of course not. It was frustrating that she was there with us. But I couldn't blame her when she was just a victim, not knowing anything. Maybe, some day, I should apologise to her."


"You should," Jinyoung said. "If not for you, I don't know how long it would've taken me to realise my sexuality. You should've showed up in my life sooner."


"Because I saw you with girls and I was afraid you would never look at me the way you look at them. And I considered that trip a perfect chance to keep your eyes only on me, while you were getting to know me. Anyway, I should say that it worked out, right?"


Mark detached himself a little bit from Jinyoung and gazed at him, longingly. He then inched closer and a smile appeared on his lips when Jinyoung shut his eyes, expectantly. When their lips met, all the old memories came back, while the new, fresh ones were starting to be registered in their hearts. All the layers between them had been lifted off and there was no mistery remained, but only understanding and accepting each other with the open, fluttering hearts.


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