Shout about it (one shot)

Patrick's POV

I opened my eyes and found myself lying on the same bed... it makes me ask... "why am I still alive?" I whispered to myself... I don't understand why. Everyone has left me... well.. at least that's what I think... I still have my family but... I still feel incomplete.. I don't understand... because when she disappeared... everything went off.

I just wanna die.. I constantly want to die.. it's just weird.. the people that want to live longer are dying.. the the ones that want to die.. are still alive.

I just want to stop breathing for one day... my heart is being torn apart.. my heart has tried loving... but now tired of beating... my mind remembers everything and constantly wants to stop working...

you think this is a typical heart break???

No.. this is depression....

It's not just her... I'm not sure if I have real friends... they don't respect me. Sometimes they forget that I exist... sometimes they treat me as if I am no one... I don't get it. They tell me I'm so boring... but to be honest... I'm just trying to blend in.

I'm just trying to satisfy them.. I'm just faking my laughs so that they'd be satisfied. I just force a smile so they'd be happy.... but I don't get it. What am I doing wrong????

Yes.. you all tell me that I should fallow my heart.. but when I do that.. the whole world seems to criticize me. They judge me for being me.. and forget me for being someone else...

I stood up from my bed and went down stairs and was greeted by my moms cooking... I approached her with a tired smile and she greeted me with a sweet one. "Morning dear.."

"Good morning.." I think I said that wrong... what's so good about the morning??? I was thinking to killing myself first thing in the morning. I took my towel and went inside the bathroom... i took of my clothes leaving my self bare...

As I was taking my very very cold bath... I saw a blade at the top of the sink... "hahaha.. It seems that the world really wants me die.." my demons are telling me to take it.. touch it... slit my neck...

Then asking myself... if I disappear now.. will anyone notice?? Will anyone care??? Will anyone... cry for me.. if I die???

Then again... I don't think anyone would.

Since no one would care.. I could just do it.. right???

"If you're going to kill yourself.. at least do it elegantly."

I laughed... I wonder why I was reminded of that... by the way.. how do you die elegantly??? Hahahahah... it's stupid... I remember... I told someone that I want to die... that I wanna take a rope and tie around my neck... but she told me..

"Don't kill yourself with a rope.. use a knife instead.. trust me.. It's good.." i knew she was joking when she said that... but if I took her seriously... I should be in a coffin by now... every time I told her I want to die.. she'll tell me to use a knife... but then laugh it off and ask me what was wrong...

By that time... she was becoming annoying.. always asking me what's wrong.. it's literally annoying... and her pharase. "Die elegantly." Although we have never seen each other in real life... I think we are from the same school.. never did she reveal her face to my anyway.

"Don't forget that somebody is secretly caring for you... but if you really want to die.. send me a video."

She is utterly unbelievable... she also told me if I was going to kill my self at send her a suicide video so she can see how I die