Muggy Feelings

Reader's Diet

The first time Shaun thought of his parents as anything except for "Mom" and "Dad" was the first time he saw his father cry.

Shaun's grandfather had died.

By the time he was nine, his grandfather had been confined to a wheelchair. At the age of twenty he had walked for what seemed like the first time. He was married. He had kids. At fifty he was forced to use a cane, although anything short of a chair would make him happy. Inevitably, he would be in the chair again by the time his first grandchild began to walk. He would be dead only ten years later.

The funeral was, at best, a modest procession. Less people than Shaun knew himself had come to pay respects. In his eight year old brain, grandpa was way too good of a guy for such a turn out. Although, that train of thought was just how he managed to distract himself from the sense of loss.

Distractions from reality came easily to him. He was a child after all. Yet even the slightest sob completely shattered his imagination.

Shaun felt that he himself was acting like a distraught toddler, but watching the way his father sobbed was nothing short of the wailing of a newborn. His torn expression that leaked out from his slender fingers. The way his mouth opened and choked on the weight of emotion.

It seemed like Shaun's mother was the only thing keeping his father from collapsing in pain. Her steady embrace around his wide shoulders, like she was trying to hold him together. As if she let go he would fall apart.

Shaun didn't exist to them in that world of grief. He sat by himself next to one of the few trees in the graveyard. Watching his parents breaking down just a few feet away and he felt that he understood them more.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Letting his head fall back against the wall, Shaun sighed. It was hot and muggy and dark rain clouds had been rolling in all morning.

He pulled against his hoodie, reluctant to take it off despite the suffocating feeling.

Small groups of people milled about the campus in front of him. Some sat on the short walls encompassing spots of trees and grass, others walked in the open space between buildings chatting and eating loudly. A few were sat at the standard blue lunch tables, yet none stood next to Shaun as he sat against the wall.

He licked his lips before wiping the moisture off on his sleeve. He didn't want to be sat alone, but he couldn't muster the courage to talk to anyone even if he found them vaguely familiar.

He slid his legs to his chest when he noticed people walking along the wall. They still barely missed stepping on his feet, too absorbed in conversation to notice. He settled his legs into a crisscross postion, sitting more upright, and finally gave up on people watching.

Shaun pulled his phone from his pocket and bent his body around it, shielding it from unwanted eyes. All eyes except for his own.

Turning it on and unlocking it in the same motion, his background of DisJointed Shapes came up. He smiled to himself remembering their new song and pulled his headphones out as well. Placing them onto his head and pressing play the loud bass startled him causing him to flinch from the noise.

He blushed thinking how ridiculous he looked to other people before brushing the feeling off.

A melodic "ding" rang through his headphones disrupting the flow of the music for a few seconds before it resumed. He opened the notification and was greeted with a message.

gracysfriend
so its a stupid question but by your username you like DJS?

It takes Shaun a second to realize he's on JuiS before the message makes sense. Although he didn't remember following a profile called gracysfriend he decided to chat anyways.