The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down Valentine's face. He felt the muscles of his chin tremble like a small child, and he despised it. His glossy gaze looked to his bedroom window almost desperately, as if he were looking for a distraction to ease his pain, as if the light of the outside could soothe him. Static begins to ring in his head once more; the side effect of his constant fear, constant stress he was forced to live with. He heard his own sounds, like a distressed child, raw from the inside. It took something out of him he didn't know he had left to give. He buried his face face into his hands and let out a sob, allowing his heart to yank in out and of his chest. He was hollow. Over and over, in and out. He heaved a gasp.
Then, suddenly, Markus was standing over him, holding Valentine's chin in his palm, forcing him to meet his russet eyes. Markus reached into Valentine's hollowness.
"Please don't cry, love," He spoke, sitting on his heels in front of Valentine. "It'll be over, it'll be over."
Valentine's tears began to soak the skin of Markus's hands holding the sides of his face. He squeezed his eyes shut.Markus watched helplessly. Val's panic attacks always began like a cluster of sparks growing in his gut. He could always begin to tell that Val was tipping because he would begin to move like his brain was demanding the energetic expenditure of an athlete, but his limbs wouldn't obey. He talks like he never has enough time to say what he needs to. His words are slurred and some are missing. His sentences are fragmented and his thoughts seem to accelerate faster than what he can keep up with. Then all his fears begin to tumble out and spill, unchecked by his brain as if he's in some kind of mental free-fall, unable to analyze things or assess risk. Markus's words bounce off him like hard rain. Now he's in front of Markus once again, his fingers are white-knuckled, trembling as he clutches onto him. Now he's asking Markus if it will be okay. Naturally, Markus tells him yes, and he throws his arms around Markus and buries his damp face into Markus's chest. And naturally, Markus wraps his arms around Val hollowly, for this situation was so frequent that sometimes it was hard for Markus to manage a sympathetic look when comforting Val. More frequent than for it to be healthy for the two of Markus and Valentine.
Val pulled away, turning his reddened face to avoid Markus's eyes. "I don't know how I would live without you." Markus forced a smile in response and stood, taking Val's hand and pulling him to his feet to stand beside him.
"I'm going to class," He said after a long pause. He drew Val closer and used his sleeve to wipe the remainder of his dried tears from his face. "I made you some waffles. They're sitting on the counter. Please eat, you're getting quite thin." He then proceeded to collect his scattered school things and put them in his bag. As he approached the door, he looked over his shoulder with a wink and said, "Chocolate chips are in the fridge."
Val rubbed his own watery eyes with the sleeves of his hoodie. "Thanks," Markus nodded and stepped outside, when Val called, "Hey, Markus!" Markus turned, his bleary eyes expectant for yet another task. Val blinked. The expression casted upon Markus's face was hard to bare. He was such a fruitful person. He was always present when Val needed someone, no matter how constantly Val needed someone. It was as if his second voice would chastise him if he didn't stand to assist Val. Was Markus's exhaustion his doing? Val began to recall how Markus would lay awake at night, perched over Val's slumbering body. His clouded eyes succeeded so well in hiding the futile tussle of conflicting thoughts going on behind them. Like stained-glass windows, his eyes were beautiful, but you sure as hell couldn't see anything through them. Val began to realize how Markus knew every detail about him, and how little Val knew about his lover in return.
Val lingered for a moment before offering a smile. "I love you."
Markus's delicate lips curled into a grin. The vacancy of his hollow heart was filled with warmth the moment Val's eyes twinkled with admiration. At least he was calm. "I love you too, Valentine."
"Be careful! Have a good day!" Val yelled with a final wave just as Markus closed the door behind him. Was all the exhaustion and exertion worth the singular smile at the end of the day? Markus loved Valentine. He would follow his lover to the ends of the earth, though, sometimes he was hesitant. Was love supposed to be hesitant? How much would it take to cause Markus to tip over? With a sigh, Markus skipped down the stairs to their complex and onto the street.
Stone roads stretched out from the corridor Markus stood in and curled into different streets, each road was crowded with different buildings, consisting of apartments, restaurants, and all sorts of shops. Brick walls were stained with sprayed murals and the narrow roads were lined with small trees stringed with fairy-lights, each illuminating the uncrowded street in the early morning dusk. Markus shivered and began off down the road, wishing he had brought a jacket.
Suddenly, a voice shouted behind him. "Markus!" With a jump, he spun around, only to be sent sprawling backwards onto the cement.
"Hng," He groaned, unsteadily sitting up to see who had crashed into him. Primrose, his good friend of seven years, lay on the ground in front of him holding her stomach, laughing into the air.
"Hey," He said, beginning to chuckle himself, "You good?"
"Oh my God, has it been a hectic morning!" She simpered, running a hand through her messy brunette hair. "And it's not even-" She looked at her phone screen that was thrown from her pocket in the collison, causing her smile to melt. "Damn, it is past seven. We're late."
Markus stumbled to his feet and brushed himself off, then extended a hand for Primrose. She gathered her scattered things closest to her and took his hand, laughing embarrassedly.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to send you flying. I was being chased by some stray dog-" She pointed behind them and her eyes suddenly became filled with concern when the dog wasn't where she seemed to had thought it was. "Oh God, it's gonna jump out somewhere at me,"
Markus laughed. "You can walk with me. If any dog tries to attack us I'll just throw my book report at it." He rolled his eyes and said, "Maybe it'll find The Tempest more interesting than I did." Primrose chuckled and Markus smiled at her, before starting off in the direction of campus.
They walked in silence for a couple of minutes, when a streak of crimson streaming down Primrose's hand caught Markus's eye.
He took her wrist in his hand to better examine the scrapes the ground had left her with. "You're bleeding."
"I am?" She asked, her voice twisting suddenly, pulling her arm from his grasp. She pulled down her oversized sleeve to reveal her arm dripping with red. Her face became pale. Markus's eyes widened.
The cuts weren't caused from falling.
"Hey, hey," Markus said, pulling her closer just as her breaths became sharp, "Come here, you're okay,"
He quickly lead her into the nearest café."Hey," Markus called, raising his voice to gain the attention of the people behind the counter as he motioned her inside. He then asked with a nervous smile. "Do you guys have... napkins?"
YOU ARE READING
Ode to Remedy
RomanceWARNING! - This story contains really dark themes you may not want to read if you are sensitive to such things! Markus Hathaway is a college freshman struggling to balance the stress of a faltering relationship with what he considers his sanity. Wa...