Letter To Myself From Myself

Welcome

The words that I want to say aloud seem to be easier to say when they are written down here. Even if I'm the only one in the room I still feel embarrassed or ashamed or scared, I just can't put a finger on it exactly. I've come to realize that maybe it's time to start keeping some things to myself because it makes things easier. I feel like in my head there's more than just me though. There's everyone else too. I feel like certain people in my life occupy a space in my mind as well and they've locked the door and hid the keys to their rooms and I can't get in. It's as though when I think of something, when I have a thought of any kind they all start to bang on the walls, stomp their boots on the floors and shout into the darkest corners where nothing else lurks except the most insidious shadows of the memories and thoughts yet passed on.

My mind is like a mansion, one of the ones you see in movies in the farthest corner of the woods with wood planks for walls that overlap each other with the rusted nails sticking out from years of holding things together and floor boards that creek when you step on them, teasing you with the thought of opening up and swallowing you at every step. There are so many rooms inside these walls that it would take you years to explore them all and to really visit each one. You wouldn't make it through all of them though would you? As there are no lights in this mansion and that's a scary place to be in. The mirrors that reflect back at you, noises of the mansion giving way and the shadows that shape in to something they really are not. To make things even worse there is no heat in this house as the cold air makes your teeth shatter and rattles your bones. Why would you wanna be in a place like this, you ask yourself. Well time is up, you are about to enter it, you're standing at the doorstep and once you go inside it is hard to get back out.