Seeing her in the stars ★ #JaaneDeMujhe [✓]

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My entry for the #Jaanedemujhe contest. Can be read by AvNeil readers as well
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I stared blankly at the flying ashes as I rotated the pot above my head, and watched as they left their print on the water. The hollowness inside me could be filled only when she was in my arms. To do the same, the least I could do was to gather some ashes in my fist and keep them with me. But it was better to let go. It smelt of her. But she was gone. To a world from where I could never get her back. It was my fault because I gave in to her demands. It was me who left her.

You are so biiigggggg fooorrrrr me! She had said, climbing my back as I twirled ourselves around, her soft giggles, music to my ears.

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"You are hurting yourself by being near me. Please go Neil. Go away!" She had shrieked at me, lying in the hospital bed, after she had heard the doctor saying she would die the very next month. We were too late.
"I'm not letting you go." I had replied, cupping her face, crying. We were in this together.
"It will be hard later. I beg you." She cried, hiding her face in my chest.
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"Jaane do mujhe. Stay like this...." Her last words seemed to echo all around me. The sound of the gushing water faded. I could hear her. Just her. I let her go that day, but what could I have done? Her ashes long ago mixed with the water or were perhaps taken away by the waves. Unlike every other thing returned by them, my Avni could never be returned by them.

My hands shake with sorrow
My heart bleeds with pain
My soul would always desire
Wishing you could have stayed.

I never thought such a day would come, where I had to express how much she meant to me. How much complete I was with her around. I couldn't even see her now.

My body shook with silent sobs as I sat, my knees touching the sand, as the waves wettened me fastly. That didn't matter.

Life was worth the moments I spent with her. I would always be happy that I got to call her mine for sometime. After this, life was pointless for me.

She would never want me to cry over her, she would never like to be the reason for my cries, she would love it if I was happy because of something she did. It was impossible to prove this to her now.

I stared at the muddy ashes, slowly dripping from the side of my fist which had more of it enclosed within it. This was the last of her and I let go of them.

"You found peace." I mumbled looking at the night sky, with the stars looking brighter than ever. Why not? The light of my life joined them today.

Jaane dia tumhe..

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