church girl 2 - g.d

part 1

3 years later

bella's pov

"mommy! i hungwy."

jordan throws himself onto my lap and i wince in pain, too tired to get up having being woken up at 6:30 in the morning for me to unlock the ipad so that he could play games.

"i know baby. mommy will get you some food in a bit."

he turns himself around so that he's facing the tv while sitting on my lap and i put on despicable me 3 for him. i gently move him off of my lap and onto the space on the couch where i was sitting before walking to the kitchen to make him breakfast. jordan is two years and three months old now. time flies. when i first gave birth to him, it felt unreal that he was mine. my very own little baby boy, who i love more than anything else in the world. his precious little button nose, beautiful hazel eyes, curly dark brown hair and his tan complexion. everyday i thank god for giving me him because he's changed my life. for the better.

i'm happy it's the weekend because i have weekends off and i get to spend time with him. i feel as if we should go to the park and make the most of the weather before it becomes cold again because that's when jordan is most restless, when he has to be cooped up inside all day because i'm paranoid that if i take him out when he's cold he'll instantly get sick. and it'll be too cold that he'll constantly be whining about it.

"mommy!"

he shouts from the front room and i smile.

"it's almost ready!"

i shout back, turning around to look at him through the glass kitchen door. being careful not to drop the bowl of cereal or spill any milk, i walk back to the front room and put it on the table that's further back in the room.

"jordan, breakfast. come on."

i say and jordan follows me, waiting for me to put the bowl on the table before making grabby hands for me to pick him up and put him in 'his' chair. it's his chair because it has multiple cushions on it so that he's level with the table and he can eat properly.

while he's eating i go into the kitchen and put some bread in the toaster. as i'm waiting for it to toast i prepare some strawberries and grapes so that jordan can eat them after his breakfast. when i'm cutting the tops of the strawberries off, my mind wonders to him. not jordan, but grayson. it's hard everyday when i look at jordan and see so many personality traits that resemble grayson. he also looks like a mini grayson due to his face and that's hard for me too.

  grayson and i haven't spoken since the day after he'd messaged me saying that we forgot to use a condom.

**flashback**

  i open the door and grayson looks worried sick. his hair is messy, he has bags under his eyes and he's biting his lip.

  "bella. how could you?"

  i angrily raise my brows.

  "hello to you too grayson. what do you mean how could you? it should be the other way around. i did nothing wrong grayson."

  "yes you did."

  "it was neither of our faults. we both forgot and it's a mistake that we're going to have to learn to live with."

i say calmly, knowing that there's nothing we can do know because i refuse to abort my baby regardless of how unprepared i am or how old i am.

  "no bella. i'm not taking the blame. it's your fault. you got me so excited that i forgot to put on a condom."

  "what the fuck grayson? i was gonna be nice about it...but my fault? i didn't put my dick inside you, you did that to me. i was just doing foreplay, you're the one who initiated it."

  "don't talk to me like that bella."

  he tries to grab my hands but i pull backwards.

  "no grayson. don't fucking touch me. if you're gonna be a dickhead then leave. if i'm pregnant, i'll manage it all on my own. i'll finish my studies get a job and do this by myself. i don't want you to have anything to do with my baby."

**end of flashback**

  i shiver at the disturbing memory. grayson was a real bitch about it. even when i told kelsey she was surprised and so was ethan. but to this day both of them still come around to visit jordan and i. they're also still together and stronger than ever. they both make each other so happy and i'm happy for them. my parents are also so supportive about it, always asking to come and see their grandson or offering to look after him. they sometimes give me money when i need it and they love to spoil him which i'm really grateful for.

  but even through all the support from the people i love i still can't help but think what grayson is doing. does he have kids of his own? is he married? does he even live in this country anymore?

  i calm myself and divert my thoughts to something else. after finishing my course in university i went on to be a detective. not a forensic scientist or anything like that, but i'm a detective that focuses entirely on things to do with family problems and children suffering from abuse.

  i begin to think about this 8 year old boy i met the other day called liam. his alcoholic uncle often beats him for doing nothing whatsoever. my heart swells at the thought and it makes me feel better knowing that i've helped him and that his uncle is getting the consequences he deserves but also getting the help that he needs. i can't imagine how i would feel if one day jordan was abused.

  because i love him too much and i never want him to be hurt.

  but there's also someone else that i love too much, and that i miss too much.

  grayson.

first chapter out of ten

this is not going to have a sad ending i promise lol i don't want to upset u guys or myself

what did u think?

ily

-jenaya

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