Secret Admirer (2) [bts]

36%

okay i'm going to come out honest about the really late updates. i've been updating my stories like once a month or maybe even once every two months since after i came to the UK.

you see, i used to be proud of my works before. your comments & praises really made me happy and confident in writing but after coming to the UK, it started changing.

i posted on my instagram when secret admirer book 1 gained 3M reads & my new friends here found out about this so they searched it up. they read it in front of other friends of mine and it made me really uncomfortable. all of them laughed at what i wrote and they kept teasing me about my stories.

i know, friends are always like that. they always joke around & that i need to learn how to take a joke. at first, i was okay with it. but when they kept bringing it up, my confidence (?) started going down really bad & i started to think 'okay, maybe i'm really bad at writing'

even though there's so much positivity in the comments under all the books, somehow the negativity always wins over. somehow, wattpad started informing one of my friends whenever i update a book and they would joke about it like always, which wasn't helping me at all.

so gradually, i started losing motivation & inspiration to write the stories because my mind keeps telling me that i'm not actually good at it.

but i did an ask me a question thing on instagram the other day & some of the readers kept asking me about when i will update the books & that they've been waiting, i felt really bad so now, i'm updating again.

sorry for the rant.

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Sometimes, the thought and realization that you actually deserve better might cross your mind but you choose to ignore it, all because you are in love with that person.

They would treat you not too well and you would be sad about it but the moment they treat you a little bit better, even just a tiny bit better, it would make you extremely happy again.

That's what always happen with Ina when she's with Yoongi. Yes, he's good to her but is it always? No. 

But she tells herself that he's human and humans can't always be good so it's fine, it's okay. And one should never do something you wouldn't want your significant other to be doing.

The way Yoongi thinks and the way he acts sometimes, she can't understand but again, not everyone is the same. Just because you can think stuffs through and think from the other person's perspective and take their feelings into consideration doesn't mean other people can do the same.

Ina, herself made a mistake once -- she cheated but she wasn't aware of it. She also didn't remember her doing it at all but she still feels guilty for doing that to Yoongi.

Even though, Yoongi was treating her the opposite of how she should be treated. She's so soft for him and she loves him a lot that even when she thought he was already with MoMo (the girl she saw in his bed) and he saw her with Jimin a few days later, she felt bad.

If Yoongi one day decides to not answer her calls anymore and not reply to her texts but the second he sends her a message, she wouldn't be able to treat him like the way he treated her. For example, in this case, ignoring his message again. So she would find herself replying to his message instantly.

Just like right now, she doesn't understand how Yoongi hasn't even texted her a single message after that video call and him announcing about delaying their wedding. If it was her (which she never would do something like that), she would be trying all her best apologizing, or might even fly all the way to him just to apologize.

She would go on with her day, doing this and that, going to her job but every once in a while, tears would just start welling up in her eyes. If you ask her why, she doesn't clearly know why too.

Maybe it's because she knows she deserves better. Maybe because she is not being treated right or maybe because she would do so much for him but he wouldn't even look back at her.

But yet she still chooses to stay. Because she loves him.

If this was the very old Ina, the Ina before she started dating Yoongi -- she would leave the man immediately because she knows her worth. 

Someone can treat her wrong for once and she will just drop them.

Things have changed a lot, she has changed for and because of the man she loves.

Very similar to her situation is the man who's currently sitting across her in the living room. The television is playing Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince behind but it's long forgotten as they both get lost in their own thoughts.

This man; Jimin, everyone knows what he feels for her and how he puts others first before him -- example, Min Yoongi.

He let himself lose her to his friend which obviously was a wrong decision (for Jimin) since Ina doesn't seem happy like how he wishes her to be.

Like said earlier, Jimin's situation is quite similar to Ina's, don't you think? Ina chose him over Yoongi, she gave him hopes when Yoongi left her. She made him think that 'oh after all these seven years,  perhaps I can finally make her mine!'

All those kisses and hugs, just to leave him for Yoongi causing him to take a vacation of around 3 months to help himself forget him. He came back thinking he succeeded but when he saw her again, it was all back to square one.

He also met a girl who's really good for him during the vacation and whom he is still in contact with but let's not talk about that for now. 

Now, Jimin looks at Ina whose eyes are teary again -- the light from the television making it more obvious. 

What if I put some common sense into you and tell you to leave him? I'm here anyways, you can run to me anytime and I will welcome you with open arms because I don't care who wants me if they are not you.

But when Jimin was fucked up, heartbroken and cried his eyes out until he felt numb, she wasn't there for him. She was the reason why he felt all those miserable feelings. 

Now she's feeling the same but because of someone else and of course, not surprisingly, Jimin is here for her and she's not alone.

"Hey," Jimin gets up from his seat and walks to sit down beside her. "I think watching Draco like this is making you sadder. Want to get ice cream and switch it to something else?"

She lets out a small chuckle, blinking her tears away.

"Sure."

Just like Ina, no matter how many times she steps on him, Jimin knows he would still let her.