From the outside I must not have a care in the world. My eyes aren't swollen and red, my hair is brushed and my teeth are clean. I must have woken up and sprung out of bed like something from a romance novel eager to start my day and take on the world. I must be confident and I must be happy. All of these are common misconceptions for people with anxiety. Its not the truth. This is the truth. Sorry.
I wake up and lie in bed contemplating everything that could be stress inducing in my day and plan out ways to avoid them. In my bedroom for some reason I have a mirror on my wardrobe, so when I wake up I am faced by myself. And I hate it. I must spend at least 15 minutes staring at myself, judging myself like I believe everyone else will.
Anxiety is like bees in my ears, swarming around in my brain.One stubble movement makes me bounce, not because I don't trust you but because I'm me.
And then I step outside my door and I crack. My eyes that weren't swollen are now overflowing with tears. You don't see it when I'm calm because I've learnt to hide it. The bees? They turn to wasps. Not just swarming but stinging.
And then I see the girl I know is judging me across the classroom and it feels like every instrument known to man playing at once, bashing their instruments around in my brain.
And then I'm talking to you in the canteen but I'm avoiding eye contact. Not because I'm not listening but because I'm trying to latch onto the only calming thing I can think of before I fall into an abis of anxiety.
This is everyday
This is anxiety
Please make me feel less insane, does anyone else feel like this?
YOU ARE READING
Life lessons
Randoma bunch of life lessons based off of experiences of my own to hopefully inspire self love. It is also a place for us all to vent about issues we are all facing
