It's so hard to be okay.
It's so hard to say that you're okay, when you're clearly not.
Pero ang mas mahirap?
Mag panggap na okay.
"Hey... where were you last night?" Reimi asked, her voice laced with worry.
I smiled.
I tried to smile.
"Masama pakiramdam ko 'e." I lied.
As much as I hate lying to my best friend, I can't risk her worrying about me. Nasa lahi pa naman din niya ang pagiging OA.
She eyed me suspiciously. "You're not lying?"
I stuck my tongue out instead of answering her question. I didn't answer because I didn't want to utter another freaking lie.
Mavi cleared her throat, probably bothered by the lies I told Reimi.
Yeah, I know. I'm the worst friend ever.
"He was there. He was looking for you." Reimi said, referring to him. Reimi probably forgot what his name is. Tagal na din 'e.
I faked another smile. "Talaga? Kiligs!" I squealed.
I hope I did sound happy. Pagod na pagod na kasi talaga ako. Baka hindi na convincing yung pag-kukunwari ko.
Ang hirap.
Sobrang hirap.
Sa sobrang hirap gusto ko nalang matapos lahat. Sana matapos na. Sana dumating na yung araw na hindi na siya.
Hindi na siya yung gusto ko. Kasi ang hirap hirap na.
Kobe: You bailed out on me last night. Tsk. he texted.
Eto nanaman tayo 'e. Isang text, okay na ulit. Okay na lahat ulit. Umaasa nanaman ulit.
Dakilang paasa kasi talaga yung lalaking 'to. Ako naman 'tong si tanga, umasa naman.
Correction, umaasa.
Me: Pass muna. Ayaw ko muna makakita ng pangit. I replied.
Hanga na talaga ako sa sarili ko.
Kobe: 😠
I smiled at his reply. Cute.
"Who are you texting?" Mavi asked.
"Kobe," I replied. Mavi shook her head in disapproval. I know. I'm stupid. Yeah. I know that.
"Kiligs!" Reimi beamed. Tumawa nalang ako.
"Ang tanga talaga." I heard Mavi say.
I know, Mavi. I know.
Matagal ko nang alam yan.
Kobe: You have to make it up to me
I furrowed a brow when I recieved another text from him. Hindi na kasi ako nag-reply kaya akala ko hindi na din ulit nag-text.
Me: Pass. Busy.
Kobe: And here I thought I'm a priority
Me: Landi.
Kobe: No printer, just fax
Me: Stop using twt language. Di bagay.
Kobe: But you like twt language, right?
See?
That's what I'm talking about.
Kaya sana naman, 'wag nila akong sisihin kung nahulog ako sakanya. Kung umaasa ako sakanya.
Sabi nila, walang paasa kung walang umaasa.
But I think it's the other way around.
Walang aasa,
kung walang mag-papaasa.
