You Are A Giver

Disclaimer: This is an original work of fiction. Don't steal it.

While this includes a mature subject (Sex. Oh no, right?), it is not indepth, or graphic. No worries.

The song isn't mine, nor is the video. It is "Life In the Pain" by Safetysuit.

Thanks. Enjoy.

~~~

In.

Out.

I have not moved from this spot since you left me, lying on my bed, breathing in the air of how you’ve loved me. Of how you’ve given me life, life and attention. I’ve laid here, breathing, breathing, counting my breaths and the stars outside, and the cars that drive by. I’ve been counting the drinks I can remember having, the days since I first saw you, the hours since you walked in tonight, the minutes you spent with me, the seconds you’ve been gone.

One.

Two.

I felt so special that you took me. You saw that I was alone, and you decided that if I was going to be so alone, I was going to be so alone with you. You would be with me, I would be with you. We would just be with.

You chose me out of a crowd, out of an entire crowd of other girls, all of whom were much prettier, much sexier than I. Girls who look better in their tight dresses and thongs. Girls who you wouldn’t want to screw with the lights off. Girls who have not been dreaming about being alone all night, much less being alone with you. But you took me by the arm and led me, led me away, and took me to a nicer, nicer place. Which was my place, but it doesn’t matter where.

Forward.

Back.

I didn’t say anything, anything to suggest that I wouldn’t understand why it was me you took, or why you were asking directions to my place. We turned, turned again, parked, braked, climbed out into the world and then into my personal world. I didn’t turn any of the lights on, and for the only time the entire night, I led, led you away, to my room. You turned around and pulled my dress over my head, your dress over your head, and pushed me, shoved me, teased me, onto the bed.

Stop.

Go.

I’d never been kissed like that.

I’d never had so much feeling pumped into my insignificant body before.

Feeling like that doesn’t just happen to me. I’m never touched like this, I’m never wanted like this. I’m never needed like this. No one kisses me like this. No one wants me like this. Except you. You kiss me like this- you kissed me like this. You touched me like this. You wanted me like this. Like that.

Like fire, like heat, like the burn of the coconut rum going down my throat but much, much better. Your hands cover me, discover me, explore me. Your eyes can barely see me, my eyes can barely see for the stars shooting across the sky in between our worlds, our faces. But you can hear me, you can hear my blood rushing, my breath gasping, my voice calling out your name- wanting you even as you exist above me, even as the wanting does no good, because surely I cannot want what  I have.

Yes!

No.

Like fire, like ice, like a waterfall and I’m wanting, wanting, wanting, and you’re giving, giving, giving, because that’s who you are. You are a giver- a person who wants people to want you so that you can give them what they want. And you give it to them, and you give it to them, and you keep giving it to them until the cracks in their world fill up with ice, and with light, and with fire, and they feel complete and fixed and full for once.

And then you ask them what else they want and they honestly can’t think of anything they could possibly want more than you, just more of you, more. So you give more of yourself to them until they’re more than full, they’re almost gluttonous, but they don’t feel guilty. They don’t feel guilty, but they don’t want you anymore, they don’t want anything, nothing at all, not a thing.

They are complete.

You do that. You make people complete, you give them completeness because you are a giver.

Black.

White.

And then you sigh, and I sigh, and you lay down beside me, and I lay with you, and I’m beginning to believe that maybe you giving so much doesn’t leave you more empty, but more full because you’re smiling. You look at the clock, and I look at you. You sigh to the ceiling, and I smile at you. You kiss my forehead and I kiss your neck.

You say you have to go. I say I’ll stay here. You agree.

Inhale.

Exhale.

You pull on your dress, your underwear, your heels. You leave your bra for me, tossing it to me. I catch it and smile and thank you. I slip my bra and underwear back on and follow you back to my door.

Before I let you open it, before I let you leave, I ask you when you’ll be back. I want you to come back as soon as you can, I want you, I’m wanting you again. You say you don’t know. You say that you’ll be back as soon as she will let you. As soon as she doesn’t want you. As soon as she doesn’t need you.

In.

Out.

You gave me your time, your attention, your love. You filled my hours, you filled my bed, you filled the cracks in my life. You gave me your bra.

You took my night alone. You took my attention, my wanting. You took the emptiness of my bed, the lonliness of my apartment, and the reason not to count the seconds. 

You’re such a giver.

~~~

AN:

Let me know what you think.

If you like this, check out my other short called "Goodnight, Sweetheart". 

Much Love xx