Love is a Laserquest - Alex Turner/Arctic Monkeys Fan Fiction

2014 - Alex

I'm left sat on her dad's couch after Lily slams the door behind her, feeling quite like she's given me a right hook to the middle of my chest. It takes a moment for me to regain my breath, to get my thoughts straight, and when I do, I still can't get up.

How did I miss this? Did I really miss this for all these years?

God, I've been such a bloody knob. I sink my head into my hands, leaning on my knees, and I try to clear my head. It's impossible though, because I should get up and go after her, I should fix this now, before anything gets any bleeding worse between us. I should tell her the truth. Except I just can't make myself get up.

It's the venom echoing from her words that stops me: I couldn't be honest because I was in love with you– because I've been in bloody love with you for years– and I couldn't face any of it– because I knew you would hurt me. And I was right. No one can hurt me like you have. My entire life. And especially now.

Everything turned to shit the moment I touched down in New York to stay with Taylor before continuing the tour. More so than when I saw Lily at the Mannerly Hotel and found out she had lied to me for years. I was angry, of course, but I knew we could recover from it– I knew when I cooled off and we reunited, she would explain it to me, and we would be fine, I was just hurt. But when I got to New York, and I was only in baggage claim, my mobile chirped with a dozen messages and voicemails, and it was the beginning of the end.

I ignored everything else when I saw the voicemail from Lily, and I played it straight away, as I watched strangers' luggage rotating on the carousel in front of me.

Part of me was expecting a cheeky, angry message– a fuck-you-for-being-angry-with-me tirade– and I welcomed it. Anything to get us back where we were supposed to be. Instead, Lily's voice came over the line, shaky and quiet, and it stopped my heart cold.

"Alex, it's Lily. I know things haven't been the best between us but– it's my Dad." Her voice broke on the word, and I winced, right in baggage claim, almost forgetting where I was. "He's had a heart attack and– and he's in hospital. I'm on my way to Sheffield now, but I..." she sounded like she was in pain, and it made my chest ache. "I'm so sorry for everything that's happened between us, and I'm sure you're still angry with me but– Alex, I really need you right now."

My heart was pounding when I immediately tried to ring her, but it went straight to voicemail. I kept trying, even as I absently looked for my bags. When it never went through, I tried Matt.

"Mate," he answered finally, and his voice sounded sad. "Where are you?"

"I'm in bleedin' JFK, aren't I?" I countered. "What's goin' on? 'Ave you spoken to Lils? I've been tryin'–"

"Mate," he cut me off. "'Er dad's died."

My stomach fell to my knees, and I sank down right onto the edge of the carousel. Major Tom. My second father, and Lily's whole world. It made my entire body hurt, and I pressed the fingers of my free hand into my eyes, because I could feel the burn of tears behind them.

"You need to get back 'ere, mate."

"Yeah, yeah," I replied, trying to gather myself. "I'll get a ticket for the next flight out."

Except I couldn't get a ticket for the next flight out, or the one after that, and I had to spend several days waiting for the next available flight to Manchester, holed up in Taylor's apartment. And she didn't seem to understand the urgency, or the absolute dread I was feeling at not being able to reach Lily. She hadn't answered any of my calls or voicemails, and I'm shite at texting, but I tried that too. And when I got a reply, where she treated me like a stranger offering their condolences, I knew for sure that things were truly fucked between us, and I needed to get to England to fix it– be there for her for what was surely the worst time in her life.