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CHAPTER ONE
It was impossible to tell when the childlike wonder that surrounded a birthday disappeared. She didn't know at what age she had lost it. She didn't expect her birthday to be special but it seemed like her younger self clung to the hope that it would be fulfilling, the dulled hope still existing in her heart. When she was younger, her mother would wake her with song and a birthday breakfast. She would wake early and pretend to sleep, the excitement keeping her young body exhilarated. She would listen as they shuffled around the kitchen, walking trough the hall and pretend to stir as the song came trough her door. She would open her first gift in bed and then, she would have the day all to herself. The day would evoke a feeling she couldn't explain, she would feel so loved that nothing could compare.
At the morning of her birthday, she still woke early. No one was in the kitchen, nor coming to her room but it seemed like the memory triggered her to wake with expectation, expectation to feel extra cherished. That expectation had become a burden as it lead to disappointment. The childlike wonder of becoming a year older had become a burden of realization that nothing would get better.
She missed her mother. She missed hearing her mother sing happy birthday, she missed how much love her mother poured out even when she was tired and stressed. She missed feeling loved like it was a natural thing.
Now, she felt greedy.
Love seemed to thin out with age. Ines knew her father tried, he did his best. But with age, it seemed like he expected her to grow out of the need to feel loved, the need for him to show it. His love felt strained and while she forced herself to not have any expectations for her birthday, she still hoped he would do something extra and make it feel like less of a burden.
She had dressed up that morning. The house had been silent and her brother had rushed to the car when she left, his alarm having blared for a good hour.
The ride had been silent. Her mother would always remind him that it was her birthday. Now that she was gone, no one reminded him. She didn't blame him for forgetting, it was her fault for not accepting that things weren't the same without her mother.
She felt stupid for dressing up and she felt even more idiotic for still feeling expectation. Her two friends hadn't forgotten, both Amanda and Ben had wished her a happy birthday. Still she couldn't escape the feeling of disappointment as the hours passed and her father hadn't called.
She cried in the school bathroom. She cursed herself for being sad, when she knew she shouldn't expect anything else.
When they were heading home, Amanda had wished her a happy birthday for a second time. The horror on her brother's face was priceless as he entered the car.
