*CAUTION I SWEAR IN THIS CHAPTER*
I cant believe i still miss hearing your voice and seeing you smile because of me...its pathetic really.
Yet, here i am typing about you at 10:22 p.m.when i should be completing my World Literature
homework or studying for that Economics test i have 3rd hour. Of course i cant stay focused
because all i have on my mind is you. I wish i could hug you, have you in my arms once again....just
to feel touch would give me a rush...its been too long i cant even phathom that we have not spoken
a single word to each other for over a year now. I still think about you every bloody day! i hate how
weak i am when it comes to you. i cant even have a relationship with someone because i just keep
searching for someone who is like you! I found this one guy and guess what! He was a perfect
match he's latino and a player! Yes ladies and gentlemen he is a player! Someone who puts girls
hearts on the line and dont give a shit if it gets crushed to pieces or not. Hmm this sounds familar!
Oh yeah hes just like you! Just wanting what you want for that particular moment and once your
want passes so does your interest in me. Used...once again...is it bad to say i am use to the
feeling? I suppose i could say this will make me stronger but we all know that is complete bull crap
and thats all lies. At least in my situation it is. I cant stand the lonely nights my thoughts and
memories haunt me. It kills me inside to know you dont give a fuck about me never thinking about
me. Just going about your life as if i never exisited....do you know how much it still hurts til this very
day? Its a type of pain i can't even describe anymore...i became numb awhile ago but that stage
faded away. A little too soon to my liking because now i feel the pain 100 times more than ever
before...its brought me back into my depression...i can't have a stable relationship im afraid to hurt
someone...i don't want to give them false hope like Jovanny gave me...im still hung up on him and
im scared i might always will be til the day i die...My late night thoughts keep me awake at night. im
not a fan of staying up late i like sleep...thats probably why i try to cry myself to sleep when i can
since that helps me knock out into a deep sleep. I know i have severe issues especially if the only
way to get good sleep is to imagine myself committing suicide and realizing how my close family
would be affected. It makes me realize i would ruin part of their lives if i take my own life. So this is
the main reason i have never done so....successfully..
