O U T O F T I M E
book 3 in the 'chaos series'
in which lusine returns to earth and is reunited with steve, but not everything is as it was when they said their farewells after the events of the battle of new york. with new companions in tow, ol...
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fifteen "stop asking me questions i don't know the answers to!" -
Lusine is still smouldering by the time the jet lands and is the first one to exit, storming away before she gives herself any more opportunities to say something she'll regret. There have already been plenty.
When she'd climbed back into the ship, Olea had greeted her with a flurry of worry. Immediately, she was thrown under the microscope and analysed for any damage, physical and mental, and for any signs of darkness.
She'd sat and calmly answered all of her cousin's questions all whilst she wondered just how precious Olea Kella would react if she truly had gone dark once more.
When the rest of the crew returned to the jet, Steve had put a hand on her shoulder and praised her. She'd bitten back bitter remarks as his condescension reminded her that, at the end of it all, her life boils down to her being someone else's weapon.
The gun to fire, not the equal to walk alongside.
Lusine sits through the final report constantly glancing to the door, eager to leave. Her fingers wind together beneath the table as she listens to Steve discussing the mission and what their next move should be.
As soon as he ends the meeting, she shoots to her feet.
With a curt goodbye to Steve and Natasha, she takes her cousin's arm and intends to lead them away as quickly as she possibly can, but Olea pulls back.
"Hold on. I have a few loose ends I need to tie up," She says, frowning at her eagerness to depart. "You don't have to wait for me."
Over Olea's shoulder, she can see Steve glancing over. He's stuck talking to one of the other agents and he's clearly trying to get out of the conversation as quickly as he can, but he's too polite to cut the poor man off.
"Then I'll see you in a few hours, I suppose," Lusine replies curtly and spins on her heels, sweeping from the room.
"Lusine, wait—"
She stops so suddenly that Steve runs into the back of her. When she turns, her face is dark. The vibrancy of her eyes frozen over, two lakes of icy blue staring back at him. He tries to take her hand, but her entire body barely responds to him and her fingers curl into her palms away from his touch.
"Is something the matter?" He asks, taking a step back, but his brows furrow with deep lines of concern.
Her fists coil tighter. "You don't trust me. You've told me so many times how you believe in me, how I'm a changed woman, but you don't even believe it yourself."
"Lusine—"
"I trusted you even after everything I've been through. After everyone who has ever stabbed me in the back." With a deep breath, she uncurls her fists, cooling herself down. "You mean well, but sometimes you really fuck things up, Steve."
He reaches out to her and opens his mouth to begin to apologise, but she pulls away.
"I should go," She says, her voice a quiet eb between them, though her eyes blaze. "I wouldn't want to lose control now, would I?"
"That's not fair, I—"
"Goodnight, Steve," She says with a sharp tongue and leaves him standing there, grinding his jaw, completely in the dark about how this managed to turn so sour so quick.
-
Lusine takes what little money she has, buys herself the strongest bottle of alcohol she can get her hands on, and wanders back to her apartment to drink herself to sleep.
The glass bottle hangs loosely in her hand as she walks in and she's barely closed the door before she's pulling it open. In the kitchen, she pours it into the first glass she finds and swigs. The flavour is strong and volatile, but, funnily enough, that's exactly what she wants.
By the time the front door opens behind her, she's drunk half the bottle.
"Oh, you're still awake!" Olea closes the door and slides the lock into place. "I'm sorry I'm so late. I had a lot more to do than I thought, and I lost track of time."
She glances over as she's hanging her coat up and freezes at the sight of her cousin swaying in the dark, bottle in one hand, and an empty glass in the other.
"Is everything okay?" She asks, setting her bag down, unsure whether to move closer. Instead, she chooses to flick the light on. "Lusine!"
She stands there, swaying, and just continues to look straight at her. Her eyes are ringed and her scarred cheeks wet, shining in the light. Olea is taken aback. Before her is the cousin she always feared come out to play once again and she shivers at the toothy grin that rises onto that mouth of hers.
"You lied to me too," She says, voice hoarse as if she's been screaming the world awake. "You told me I'd never relapse. That I was a new woman. That I'm not that monster anymore."
She lifts the bottle to her lips and guzzles down another couple of mouthfuls. Olea moves forwards, intending to pry the bottle from her, but Lusine catches her off guard when she steps up to her.
"You told me you trusted me," She hisses, alcohol sour on her breath. "But you're still just as scared of me now as you were then." She laughs bitterly, spinning away from her cousin with the bottle already at her mouth.
"No, I'm not," Olea tells her, speaking so firmly that Lusine turns abruptly back to her. Taking advantage of the surprise, and her lowered reflexes, Olea grabs for the bottle and successfully takes it this time. "You're drunk. Go to bed."
Lusine doesn't move an inch.
"If you're not scared of me then why were you convinced that I was going to lose control on the mission today? You and Steve were both edging around me like I'm made of glass. Like I'm going to explode the minute I'm in an even mildly stressful situation." She rants and raves at her the cousin who bears it all, not shrinking away, but not fighting back either.
She'd grown up with this from Cathal. This isn't something she can't handle.
"I was worried it would be too much too soon," Olea explains calmly, clasping her hands tight around the cold glass of the bottle.
"That wasn't your decision to make." Lusine's tongue darts across her lips before they curve into a cruel smile. "You're not my mother."
Olea's mouth opens, but clamps closed in shock at the spiteful comment.
Taking advantage of the sting, Lusine snatches the bottle back and slips away, pausing outside her bedroom to call back, "Goodnight!" And then slam her door shut, rattling the whole flat.
