PRETTYMUCH Smuts and Prefrences

What you wish you could tell them...

⚠️I know all the boys are sweethearts and would never do anything bad relationship wise but for the sake of my mental health, I'm making this chapter like an anonymous confessional towards my ex's while also giving y'all the update you guys deserve. Please just enjoy my pains and don't take anything as if I made the boys bad people⚠️

Brandon: Thank you for being the best friend I need. Being both my first relationship and my first  love means the world to me. I'm so glad that I was able to find someone who would be my best friend but also cold love me more than that, even though after a while we both realized we were better off as best friends than in a relationship. It came to the point where we acted more like a couple as besties than we did as an actual couple😂 but I'll love you forever and always. 

Edwin: Knowing you since 3rd grade gave us a connection no one could match. You were always such a cutie and so sweet to me. Getting comfortable enough to tell everything was the best thing to happen to me. I got to a point where I was falling, hard. And that's what's funny, I'm writing a letter to you but we didn't even date. I knew the last day of school before I moved that I should have done something about it. Apparently my mom new what I felt for you even before I did. She even said you felt the same, but not only was it too late, I don't believe it. I still think about you. Sometimes I wish I still had snap so I could get your number. Now I have no way of contacting you. Whether it's as a friend or more...I know I'll love you forever, you definitely have a spot in my heart ❤️ 

Austin: I was the new girl. It was the day we met. You were so sweet to me, kinda made me feel...welcomed. I basically only knew three people at the time, one of them being your "wing-girl". After when we were left alone, it just felt natural in a way, I was comfortable. I don't know why but I went home really happy that night. Not even realizing, you were going to ask me out that same night lmao. Probably one of the most impulsive decisions I've ever made, maybe not the smartest either, but I'm lowkey glad I did. Not only did you teach me a lesson I would never forget but you also became a pretty cool friend. Even though now we don't talk that much, it was still nice to know I could laugh with you and still hugs. Honestly everyone talked shit about our relationship, hell even I did after you broke up with me, but no matter what was said...you gave the BEST hugs. To this day I really crave a hug from you but i guess it would be kinda weird. All I have to say is...don't test me again cause I AM NOT like those other chicks you've talked to, and you learned that QUICK😂😌 

Nick: I could write a book when it comes to you. Where does one begin with our so called story. The basics would be: You were my first kiss; My last kiss too; You were the person that made me at the happiest in a LONG time; You were the one put me back into one piece...you were the one to break me into a million more. Such a short summary for a story with so many small but huge details. It wasn't love, no too strong of a word. But it wasn't "in like" either, too weak of a word. When I think of you I try to find a word for what you made me feel. Saying "strongly in like" sounded too middle school, but then again so did saying "love". It's been 7 months but I still think about you. Can't seem to shake you. I don't know what to believe when it comes to the little details after the breakup. You tell me and my friends one thing, "I had to because I would be homeschooled if I didn't" but your actions said "I got tired of you". That's what hurts the most..I have no validation, no way of knowing, no sense of closure. After a while, when I realized you were dating other girls I started thinking maybe you did HAVE to break up with me, but not because you weren't allowed to date, but because you weren't allowed to date black girls. That made me dig myself a deeper hole. You hurt me ways I don't even think are your fault anymore. I'm glad your happy. No matter how much I want to be mad at you for doing the things you did, I can't. I can't wrap my head around the fact that you just might not be the angel you were during the relationship. I thought I could wait, like they were just phases to find out that I could be the one. I wish I was stable enough to just ask you myself what it all really was. I wish I was enough for you, because you were beyond what I even needed. You were the first breakup I couldn't handle within an hour. It's been 7 months and I'm still handling it. I hear breakup songs and your the one I think of. Shit I can't even listen to My Boo by Usher and Alicia Keyes because of you. It's what I played on repeat after you gave me my first kiss. I miss you making fun of the little feels playlist I made just for you. You would find the one I have now hilarious. I want to thank you for making me the happiest I could have ever been. Thank you for bringing me back to a time when fake smiles weren't in my vocabulary. I'm sorry I wasn't enough. To this day, even with all the shit behind the breakup, I wish things went differently, I wish I was a different person. I wish it was all just so...different 

Zion: This entire thing was a JOKE honestly. I mean it started because we knew each other from elementary school and I guess became some rendition of friends, my at the time best friend liked you the same time I did, she "lost" feelings, you apparently gained them for me, as "motivation" my friend dared you to ask me out. I said yes...like an idiot. Everyone around us new it was a dare BUT ME. Imagine my sensitive self having feelings for someone, getting what she wanted all to fix out it was a lie. Kinda bitchy. You said you caught feelings after a while but I feel like that was just you being nice. I don't really blame you though because you knew who I really liked at the time, your best friend (Edwin). Guess you kind of did me a favor because you made it look like I wasn't falling hard for someone every girl in the school liked. You helped me look a little less of a fool, even though I already looked like one for dating you, but you saved me from a deeper hole. Thanks🙃 

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this was the most emotional and painful thing I could ever write. I'm told things like "your only 15" "your too young to experience true hurt"...

it can't get worse than wanting to completely change everything about you just for one person you know doesn't deserve it.